Pengalaman melahirkan Airis Haura

Hai, lama xmenulis kat blog ni. Masih wujud rupanya. Jomlah dgr cerita kali ni. Pengalaman berharga setelah 5 tahun xpregnant. Huhu

Pregnancy kali ke-4 ni skali lagi kitorg pilih Hospital Sg Buloh untuk bersalin sebab dah biasa, senang nak tinggalkan budak2 dgn parents bila kena pegi hospital. So masa week 37, kitorg bertolak ke rumah parents saya dengan rancangan - husband, Adam & Areef bertolak balik ke Batu Pahat after 3 days. So saya berdoa la supaya baby keluar while they are still in Sg Buloh. Two days before (12/10/24) they were supposed to depart to BP, me and husband pegi makan hotpot kat The Curve. Perut dh kenyang sgt, so we decided to walk around the mall. Afterwards kitorg jalan IKEA pulak. Jalan sampai kaki cramp.

Tgh malam dalam kul 230am tu terasa perut asyik mengeras sampai sakit blkg. Ikut pengalaman, tu kira contraction dah. So saya bukak app and track contractions tu. Kebetulan husband xtido lagi, so saya pun inform dia tgh rasa cm contraction tp xtahu nak pegi hospital ke tidak. Contraction tu consistent for 2 hours, 5 min apart. Masa berjalan2 pun xberkurang or hilang rs sakit. Kitorg pun pegi la hospital dlm jam 5am just in case sbb slalunya bila dh contraction ni, baby akan keluar laju je. I don't usually have long labour. Tu yang risau. 

Masa husband drive ke dewan bersalin tu, dia tersalah jalan and the guard kat situ marah2 kitorg. We were trying to go back but kete kitorg panjang so it was hard to u-turn. Guard tu plak foreigner, xpaham bahasa agaknya. Lepas tu kitorg park kat parking lot jap sebab xrasa macam contractions tu rapat lg. Tp tiba2 makin hilang contractionnya. Makin jauh jaraknya sampai 10min. Agaknya hati tgh bengang dgn guard tu, trus kacau contractions. Haha kitorg pun terus balik. 

A week after that, my parents went to a family gathering in BP. They were supposed to be the one to bring me to the hospital when the time comes. They said they were gonna come back the same day but I knew they were going to stay the night and come back the next day. I planned to go to OU with my little sister that Saturday (19/10/24) just to facilitate labour, but at 3am I already felt contractions again. I took a shower, got ready and sat in front of the TV, trying to decide whether or not I should wake my brother up to send me to the hospital and take care of Ammar. 

It started being 10mins apart and slowly getting to 5mins apart. I texted my husband around 5am to tell him about the contractions. I was planning on waking up my brother after subuh, but somehow the contractions remained 5 mins apart the whole time. So I delayed and delayed until around 10am, my sister came down ready to go to OU. I told her I couldn't go, so she decided to bring me to the hospital. 

By then, the contractions were still bearable. They didn't hurt yet. Dewan bersalin masa tu agak lengang. Maybe thats why semua doctors and nurses were taking their sweet time. Stgh jam jgk tunggu, then baru dpt check CTG. 

After that, kena check dalam. Masa ni dah 2 mins apart and it was still bearable. Then around 11am lebih, ada doktor tu check dalam and dia kata nak bukak jalan. I don't know what that means but it was painful. Agaknya dia xdapat pastikan berapa bukaan so she called for another doctor. This second one pun did the same thing, nak bkk jalan and POP! pecah ketuban. Sakit ok dia nk bkk jalan tu, digodek2 adeh. Rupanya masa nak check bukaan tu, ada bonjolan amniotic membrane so susah nak dptkan bukaan. Lepas pecah ketuban, katanya bukaan dah 4cm. 

Lepas je pecah ketuban tu, terus dorg kelam kabut. Siapkan labour room etc. Immediately after pecah ketuban tu, my contractions jd kuat dan sakit and every 1 min interval. Rs cm nak bear down. So dorg tolak pegi labour room. Sy pindah katil and dengan 2 kali push yang panjang, keluar la seorang baby girl at 11.47am. 

Teringat lagi rasa macam terkoyak rabak bawah tu, padahal babynya kecik je 3.0kg masa lahir. Tp nurse cakap sikit je koyak, 1st degree tear. Masa nak jahit tu mmg seram sebenarnya sbb teringat trauma sebelum ni. Entah kenapa, kali ni macam lain sikit. Jahit kulit dia still sakit cuma boleh tahan lg la. 

Pastu tunggu la turn untuk masuk wad bersalin. Wad tu penuh sampai saya kena duduk kat katil extension yang terhimpit antara katil lg satu and tingkap. Dah la xde langsir, terhimpit plak tu. Mmg xkondusif lgsg walaupun ada GL. Patut dpt first class tp dpt third class je. Bila doktor round pagi, katanya nak check kuning tp dr pagi sampai ke lewat ptg masih xamek darah. 

Lepas waktu melawat jam 7 tu husband dh balik baru la nk amek darah. Disebabkan terhimpit dan xde privacy, mmg xtahan nak lama2 kat situ. Org katil depan asyik tgk kita je sbb dia xberanak lg so xde anak nk ditgk2, saya yg jd intipan dia spjg masa. Rasa janggal sgt org tgk2 ni. Sbb tu nk balik cepat. Bila org sblh dpt discharge ptg tu, malam tu baru la dpt pindah katil dia. Tp xsempat nak merasa pun pruvacy dan ruang yang ada sbb malam tu jgk sy discharge since result kuning masib normal, so checkup kat klinik je. Lega rsnya xperlu bermalam lama2 kat hospital. Rindu abang2 3 org tu jgk. Ammar and Areef la paling excited nk jumpa adik Airis Haura binti Muhammad Hasif. 

Ok tu je cerita bersalin kali ni. Panjang sikit tp buat kenangan akan datang.

Pengalaman melahirkan Ammar Hadi

Bismillah...
Assalamualaikum,

Alhamdulillah saya dah ada 3 orang anak sekarang. Yang plg kecik ni dah 3 bulan. Dh comel gebuuuu and so cute. Ish geram betul, xpuas gomol dia.

So, cerita ni bermula pada awal pagi 10 June 2019. Specifically kul 1am tibe2 rasa macam ada something pop dari dalam perut. Since saya xpernah rasa so saya macam xrisau sgt lagi la. Then, tiba2 basah je rasa. By then dah tahu la mmg dh nak beranak. Terus bgtau mama baba kena pegi hospital. Bawak Adam and Areef skali since dorg belum tido. Pastu bila sampai hospital, dorg dah tertido dalam stroller. Nasib baik la ada twin stroller, kalau tidak jenuh la berebut satu stroller nak tido.

This time mmg air ketuban keluar dengan deras. Xmacam masa nak lahirkan Adam sbb masa tu leaking je. So xsebasah cmni la. Lepas register, dh buang semua barang kemas, bawak kain batik, maka saya pon masuk ke dalam. Since it was 1am, mmg lengang. Bukan xde org, tapi kebykannya kat dalam bilik tgh tido. Patients and staff/doctors. Ada la satu dua org lalu lalang sesekali.

So, first saya ke satu bilik ni di mana dia nak check CTG. I stayed there for at least 20mins kot. Sambil air ketuban berjejeran atas katil. Masa tu jugak kena check dalam. And I was told dah ada opening 1cm. Dia kasi baju pink and kain pink and suruh tukar baju/kain tu. Maka saya pon pegi tukar di toilet and tunggu lagi kat tempat duduk2 luar dr bilik2 patients tido. Mase tu dah rasa la contractions. Saya mmg bawak phone masuk untuk keep track duration and interval between contractions. So that saya tahu la bila boleh expect baby nak kuar.

Then ada satu nurse ni suruh saya cari katil kosong di bilik. Saya pon cari la and I settled there. Dgn bawak plastik ada milo biskut segala. Haha sebab dulu masa Adam and Areef mmg xbawak pape sebab masa Adam xtahu pon boleh bawak mknn. Mase Areef plak, mmg xsempat nak makan minum pon. Sampai2 hospital terus kuar babynya. Haha

Before saya masuk tu saya nampak kertas yang lekat di pintu tu tulis, "latent phase". Memandang saya belajar medic so I know what it means. Saya pon masuk and duduk atas katil tu. Kat dalam bilik tu ada 4 org lagi ibu mengandung. Sorang tengah tido. Dua org main phone. Sorang lagi cuba utk tido. And ada sorg lagi atas katil depan bilik kitorg. Dia mmg dalam keadaan resah gelisah. Panggil2 nurse tapi xde sahutan. Sian pon ada. Sakit2 tapi xde org layan.

Saya sambil duduk situ, sambil dgr dia meraung kesakitan. Tapi saya sendiri pon tgh sakit jugak. By 3am, saya dh msg husband bagitau contractions dh 3-4mins apart. Which is short la sbb by 1-2mins tu kiranya dah nak beranak la. Bayangkan la, saya diberitahu dari awal masuk hospital ada pembukaan 1cm je. That was at 1am. Dalam 2 jam, you wouldn't expect to go into active labor. Tapi mmg dalam bilik tu saya sorg je yang nampak xselesa, duduk xbetul. Xboleh nak baring. Somehow kalau baring lagi rasa sakit. So the whole time sy dlm bilik latent tu, mmg xbaring at all. Duduk je. Xbersandar pon even. Menahan je la kesakitan sbb pikir baru 1cm. Saya just pikir, xpe2 ni sikit je baru (same la kes mase first time dulu). Nanti nak beranak betul2 lagi sakit. I was comforting myself dari intense pain yg dtg pergi every 2-3mins.

Sebab sy tahu mmg nurse xkan dtg check patients kat bilik2 latent ni apatah lagi almost pukul 4, so I decided to go out and have a walk. Sebab mmg xboleh duduk diam dah. Sakitnya aduhai. Nasib baik la terserempak dgn sorg nurse ni. Masa saya nampak dia saya terus berhenti, and pegang kaunter nurse tu. Rasa cm nak meneran. Pastu nurse tu tanya, "Kenapa? Nak beranak dah ke?". Idk if she was genuinely concern ke ape tapi rasa mcm eeee sarcasticnya nurse ni. Ade ke patut tanya cmtu. Huhu maaf saya in labor, xboleh berpikir. Dia tahu saya patient baru masuk yang baru opening 1cm. So dia xexpect sy nak beranak dah.

Saya pon terus terang je, saya ada history very quick deliveries. So dia suruh baring and nak check. Check check, haaa amek ko 10cm dilated. Dah bear down nak beranak dah. Time tu kelam kabut panggil org nak sambut. Ayat sama jugak saya dapat, "tahan dulu tahan dulu, belum siap lagi ni". Dah lali dah saya dgr. Dari anak 1st sampai anak 3rd sume pon same kena tahan baby dari keluar. Haha

Dengan 1 long push (serious lama sebab kena curi2 napas xcukup), tepat 4.16am keluar la seorang baby. Abahnya mase tu baru nak sampai Sg Buloh. Xsempat nak sambut baby sbb baby xsabar nak kuar. As always, lepas beranak kalau ada koyakan, kena la jahit. Serious saya cakap, saya rasa kena jahit lagi sakit dari contractions.

Dah siap kena jahit semua, baru la husband sampai hospital. Since saya pegang phone, so saya tahu la mana dia. Saya suruh dia share location sbb kita nak tahu dia sempat ke tak sampai kan. Pastu nak tahu x? Sebab sebelum2 ni dia mmg xsempat langsung tgk saya dkt labour room, slalunya terus pegi ke wad. So this time pon dia sampai2 hospital dia pegi ke bangunan wad pulak. Padahal dia kena pegi ke bilik kecemasan. Lawak betul. Nasib baik saya tgk, kalau tidak mmg xberjumpa la. Adehh

Then nurse bawak baby. So cute. Kurus je. Dia yang paling berat dalam 3 beradik tu. Adam 2.9kg, Areef 2.6kg, Ammar 3.0kg. Nasib la kecik2 je semua walaupun mamanya gained 15-20kg each time. Kalau 3.5kg++ cmne la agaknya nak keluar. Hahaha

Ok sekian terima kasih.

Topik Mak-mak

Assalamualaikum,

I think this is my first time writing about mommy stuff. Selama ni cerita2 remaja dan nonsense saja. Xpernah nak cerita tentang anak2 dalam blog ni. Padahal dah ada 2 orang anak.

Kali ni terasa nak meluahkan ttg masalah anak pertama saya, Adam. I think it's a problem sebab perkara ni melibatkan kesihatan dia.

Secara specifik, saya ingin menyentuh bab MAKAN. Adam ni merupakan seorang baby yang sangat sihat dan gemok gebu-lembut-sedap-peluk-dan-picit type of baby. Sejak dia mula makan dari umur 6 bulan dia memang bukan seorang yang memilih. Segala jenis makanan yang dimasukkan ke mulut, dia akan makan.

Ada satu ketika tu waktu dalam airplane dalam perjalanan ke Abu Dhabi, stewardess yang jaga kitorg tu tanya if we need baby food. So kitorg ok je la kan, benda free org dh offer xkan nak tolak. Dia pon kasi kitorg puree zucchini. Dalam otak saya waktu tu dah pikir macam2 dah sebab zucchini ni untuk orang dewasa macam saya pon rasa macam xmenyelerakan. Walaupun hakikatnya saya xpernah rasa apatah lagi tengok zucchini ni depan mata. So I expected for Adam to reject this puree. But he liked it. Almost finish the whole jar.

Sampai macam tu skali keseleraan dia makan. Tapi baru2 ni dia semakin lama semakin memilih bila makan. Bagi nasi xnak. Bagi telur xnak. Bagi ayam xnak. Semua xnak.

Yang dia nak makan contohnya rempeyek (atuknya jual so stok banyak dkt rumah), keropok2, kacang rangup kriuk2 (atuknya jual jugak tp kacang ni mmg sangat sedap la, xdinafikan) dan segala macam junk food. Dia punya tahap suka tu sampaikan bekas2 keropok yg belum dibuka yg bertujuan utk dijual pon di bawak masuk ke bilik utk dijadikan dia punya sorg. Adehh pening kepala.

Bagusnya Adam ni, dalam xmakan nasi dia still rajin makan buah. Sebab rumah atuk dia mmg kaya dengan buah. Setiap masa ada stok epal, orange, jambu, tembikai, pisang, anggur, dan macam2 lagi la. Xpernah xde buah. Walaupun saya bukan hardcore makan buah tp Adam mmg hardcore macam abah dia. Dia boleh ganti makan utama dia dgn buah semata2.

Saya sangat buntu macam mana cara nak kasi Adam berselera balik macam masa dia baby. Nak kasi dia tembam macam dulu. Sebab sekarang dia dah kurus sangat sampai nampak tulang rusuk. Kang orang tengok cakap mamanya xkasi makan la, xjaga makan dia la. Padahal kita punya la masak itu ini tp last2 masuk perut mama dia. Haaa...sebab tu la mamanya xboleh nak kurus. Asyek makan makanan anaknya je. Sebab terpaksa ok, utk mengelak pembaziran. Kadang2 tu membazir jugak sebab mamanya dah xlarat nak makan. Haih...

Kalau siapa2 ada tips nak kasi anak makan dengan berselera, share la ye sesama kita. Hehe

I think maybe nak kena try Mealshake dari Shaklee la satu hari nanti. Tapi takut itu pon dia reject. Hmmmm...

Kenapa AKIQIN?

Assalamualaikum,

Korang pernah x tertanya2 kenapa nama blog saya ni AKIQIN? Ada yang curiga, curious, suspicious tak? Ke xde sape kisah? Hmmm...xpe2, kalau xkisah pon saye nak cerite jugak kenapa saye pilih nama AKIQIN sebagai nama blog.

Kisahnya bermula pada zaman saya masih muda remaja, budak hingusan yang tergila-gilakan cerita Korea, Jepun dan sebagainya. Bagi sape yang xtahu lagi, saye ni dulu fanatic Korea dan Jepun. Saye kumpulkan beratus CD/DVD movie dan drama Korea sampai sekarang simpan lagi. Kalau cerite Jepun tu saya xperlu beli la sebab kakak saye jauh lebih fanatic. Saye tinggal curi je dan tgk kat bilik. Cumanya dah xtgk la sebab mane orang pakai CD/DVD lagi dah sekarang.

Ok, berbalik ke cerita asal. Kenape saya pilih AKIQIN? Sebenarnya dalam banyak2 cerita Korea dan Jepun, ade satu drama Jepun yang paling saye suke tengok. Boleh kate lebih 5 kali ulang tgk drama tu. Sebab utamanya adalah lagu opening drama ni, bertajuk " I was born to love you" oleh Queen. Memang rasa nak sing along every time lagu tu kuar. Drama tu dibintangi oleh Takuya Kimura dan Yuko Takeuchi. Saye sangat suka keseluruhan jalan cerita drama ni. Memang zaman saya remaja dulu Takuya Kimura ni kire sangat popular la. Zaman sekarang mungkin dah x sebab dia dh tua. Saya suka jugak chemistry dorg berdua dalam drama tu. Kisah cinta dorang sangat menyedihkan. Saye ni suka kisah cinta tragic. Lagi feeling nak tengok.

Siapa yang berminat dengan jenis drama macam ni, boleh la cuba try tgk. Saya kasi 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Dalam drama ni, Takuya Kimura berlakon sebagai seorang pemain hoki ais yang bernama Halu Satonaka. Manakala heroinnya bernama Aki Murase. Menurut drama ni, Halu bermaksud Musim Bunga atau Spring 🌸. Aki pulak bermaksud Musim Luruh atau Autumn 🍂. Sebenar-benarnya saya lebih suka nama Halu. Lagipun maksudnya lebih happy sebab it's Spring. Flowers blooming. Colourful nature. Lebih mencerminkan diri saya yang sentiasa happy. Bweekkk hahaha. Tapi I don't know how to combine my name with Halu. HALUQIN? ASYIHALU? Sangatlah buruk. So I decided to use the name of the heroin. Walaupun saya macam reluctant la jugak untuk guna nama dia sebab nama dia maksudnya musim luruh. Sungguh gloomy. Tapi lebih sedap kalau digabungkan dengan nama saye. AKIQIN. Hmmm ok la jugak.

So, there you go. Begitulah terciptanya blog bernama Akiqin. Kisah yang boring, I know. Tapi kisah itulah yang menyebabkan adanya blog ni. Huhu

Sekian, terima kasih. Muahh 💋

Pengalaman melahirkan Muhammad Areef

Assalamualaikum,

Kembali lagi di episode pengalaman melahirkan oleh Asyiqin Ramdan. Hahaha pada episode kedua ini, saya akan menceritakan tentang proses kelahiran anak kedua saya iaitu Muhammad Areef bin Muhammad Hasif.

Kisah bermula dari sebelum subuh lebih kurang jam 6 pagi tanggal 23 Februari 2017. Hari Khamis. Saya terjaga awal pagi sebab perut asyek mengeras dan dan rasa sakit di bawah perut dan sakit belakang. The pain was irregular in duration and interval. So mase tu tu macam relax2 lagi sebab xsure betul ke tidak ni real contractions. Atau just Braxton Hicks.

Sebelum masuk waktu Subuh tu, saya siap2 mandi just in case kena pegi hospital. Bersihkan ape2 yang perlu dibersihkan. Haha then solat subuh and tunggu. By then sy dah start track the pain dkt phone app. Mengikut app tu, my contractions were more or less 5 mins apart and 40-60s in duration. Jalan2 pon xberkurang rasa sakit.

So, in my mind, ok those were not Braxton Hicks. But it's too early to wake up my parents. Plus I know they have an appointment with the mechanic to fix the car at 9.30am. Sebab the week before, kereta tu terlanggar anjing and bumper dpn tu kiranya skrg dh xde la sbb remuk. And I was planning on catching them on their way out so that they can send me to the hospital first and then go fix the car.

And luckily, I did catch them on time. It was 9.30am. By then, my contractions were 2 mins apart. Mengikut pengalaman sebelum ni, proses kelahiran mmg berjalan dgn cepat. Bear in mind, the hospital is less than 10mins away but since the car needed fixing so my dad couldn't drive at normal speed. Slalunya kat highway (yes kitorg lalu highway utk ke hospital) boleh speeding sampai 160km/h tapi on that fated day, baba dpt bawak 60km/h je sebab if any faster, kete tu akan buat bunyi bising. Takut terbang plak segala besi kete tu. And that 10 mins became 30mins or more, I dont know anymore because I was in great pain.

Boleh pulak saya pegi pakai seluar time tu. Rasa mcm ketat gila seluar tu padahal x ketat pon. Tapi sbb tgh contraction kan, rasa kena tekan perut tu. All the way to the hospital, saya tarik seluar tu bagi longgar dkt pinggang sbb xnak rasa "tercekik". Then, after what seemed like an eternity, kitorg sampai dkt wad kecemasan bersalin. Sampai2 tu mmg sy xboleh bangun or keluar dr kereta sebab terketar2 kaki menahan sakit. Mama keluar amek kerusi roda and I notice the people around (nurse/guard) mcm xnak tolong ke terkejut ke ape ke xtahu la tapi tercegat je.

Bila saya dah duduk atas kerusi roda tu, dorg tolak masuk wad kecemasan tu and suruh baring atas katil. It was not the labour room. Saya time tu serious xboleh jalan dah takut terkeluar je babynya. Saya cakap saya dah nak terberanak ni. Dh boleh rasa kepala dia. Tapi dorg macam anggap sy overreacting or something because they were not responding to my cry for help. I was still on the wheelchair, then POP! And splash! Habes basah kerusi roda tu and lantai dgn air ketuban. The guard that was following me around was not very helpful. She just stand and stare. Xde inisiatif lgsg utk menolong. And sebab sy stress ke ape ke saya marah dia suruh tolong saya bangun utk baring kat katil tu. And then dorg check bukaan, haa amek kau 10cm dilated. Xnak percaya lagi. Lepas tu baru nak kelam kabut pegi labour room. Dah sampai labour room, dia suruh kita tukar katil pulaaakkkk. Org dah nak terberanak ni, dia suruh pindah sana sini. Haish.

Then, xsampai 1 min later, keluar la seorang baby boy. I told Hasif about my contractions at 6am. And I told him again I had given birth at 10.17am. He was only on his way out of the house in Melaka. 😌 It took him 3 hours to get out of the house. 🧐 And another 2 hours to reach Sg Buloh Hospital.

This second time around, I didn't get episiotomy because it was too fast to even prepare for the equipments. My baby was too eager to come out and see the world. Macam first time dulu, kena jahit still is the most painful in my opinion. Especially bahagian kulit. Huihhhhh xde la sampai jerit tapi kita dalam keadaan dah relax kan sbb baru lepas keluarkan baby. So dalam nak relax tu tu xboleh nak relax sbb kena jahit pulak. Dalam otak kita fokus pada sakit jahit tu je la.

Ok sekian cerita pengalaman bersalin kita yang kedua. Till next time. Haha

Our London Backpacking Trip (part 1)

Assalamualaikum and good morning to all...

Today is the day my 'little' sis going to Manchester and that reminds me of my trip to England/Scotland with my husband. Maybe some of you know that my family and I went to Europe a few months ago, and may I say it was the best trip ever, at least up until now. I know people say going to Makkah/Madinah is the best thing that could happen to a human being but I've never been there before so let me just enjoy my Europe trip for now, okay? TQ. 

My husband, my baby and I actually stayed in Ireland for about 1 month. The first few weeks, my husband and I went backpacking to London and Scotland. And that was the best part of our whole trip. Just the two of us, enjoying the nature, the journey, the excitement of travelling in a foreign country, experiencing the world. I truly love it and I'm gonna remember that for the rest of my life. 

On the first day of our backpacking trip (26 October 2015), we went on a train ride (Irish Rail aka Iarnrod Eireann) from Castlebar to Dublin Heuston, Ireland. As soon as we got out of the train (it was around 11am), we had to rush to Dublin Port as our ferry to Holyhead, Wales would depart at 2.30pm. It wasn't that far but we had to take public transports to reach the ferryport and only one bus going there at 1.30pm (Bus 53 at Busaras Bus Station). So, from the train station we had to take the tram and get off at Busaras stop (opposite the Busaras Bus Station). Alhamdulillah we reached there in time. But the problem is, we didn't know what to do when we were there. Do we have buy tickets from the counter, or what? One useful tip when travelling, TIP #1 ALWAYS ASK FOR HELP. So, I forced my husband to ask about bus 53 at the ticketing counter (haha I'm too shy). Apparently we had to wait outside as the bus would stop and pick up passengers there. It was way past 1.30pm and no bus 53 in sight. We were getting anxious cause our ferry would leave us if we're late. While waiting outside the bus station, I met a woman. She asked me if I was waiting for bus 53 because she, too, was waiting for it. And somehow we conversed about the apes. It was a weird conversation. -.-
[Castlebar --Irish Rail--> Dublin Heuston --Tram--> Busaras Bus Station]

So, we boarded bus 53 and got off at the Dublin Ferryport. Then we boarded the ferry and we immediately picked seats nearest to the toilets. Actually I packed lunch before the morning train ride and we're supposed to eat lunch while on the ferry as the food was expensive and xhalal. But the ferry was going so fast (Swift Ferry) it rocked to the left and right continuously. I got so seasick I had to sleep through the whole ride. Sangat xtahan goyang-goyang, rasa nak muntah. My husband had to spend the whole 2 hours 'alone'. So sorry~
[Busaras Bus Station --Bus 53--> Dublin Ferryport --Irish Ferries--> Holyhead Ferryport --transfer bus--> Holyhead Train Station]

We reached Holyhead, Wales at 4.30pm and it was almost dark like the night. There was really nothing there. From the ferry, there was a bus that transferred us to a train station. So we bought return tickets to London. But actually I made a huge mistake here because we were planning on going to Aberdeen from London. Meaning to say we didn't need the return tickets. Tried to change the tickets but couldn't. *sigh* Spent more than 200 pounds for them. Rasa macam budus gile time tu, nak ketuk2 diri sendiri. Sape suh lupa, padan muka. Maka kami pon tunggu la train untuk ke LONDON!
[Holyhead --Arriva Trains Wales--> Chester --Virgin Trains--> London Euston]

We were actually rushing to get to London as fast as we could because Malaysia Hall allows check-ins until 8pm only. Once we reached London Euston, we had to buy the Oyster Cards so that it's easier for us to go anywhere by tube. From the Euston London Train Station, we had to walk quite a distance to reach the tube station. It was all indoor so no problem there. Just follow the signs. I couldn't remember which route we took to get to Bayswater station (where Malaysia Hall is). TIP #2 DOWNLOAD TUBE MAP LONDON UNDERGROUND for smoother tube experience. I actually printed all the maps (susah nak dpt free internet). When in doubt, refer to map. We reached Malaysia Hall, Bayswater at about 10pm and immediate rang the bell. The receptionist was cranky. Maybe he was sleepy. Nevermind, as long as we got our rooms. They give separate rooms even if you are married. Since they usually rent rooms for students, so separate floors for girls and boys. I actually already booked the rooms months prior to that day but somehow no record found. Cis. So mase tu kne bayar 24 pounds per night for each room. Total 48 pounds la. Plus deposit, xingat berape. Susah sikit nak berbincang dgn husband since Wi-Fi die pon heh! And unfortunately for us, Malaysia Hall was under construction so we had to find a new place to stay for the next day. Masuk la activity mencari hotel/hostel/etc dalam itinerary di London.
[London Euston --walk--> Euston --Tube--> Bayswater --walk--> Malaysia Hall]

Ok, we'll continue next time for Part 2. I want to write in BM because writing in English is exhausting. Ahaha xcukup vocab nak bercerita panjang.

P/S: I lost all my London Adventure photos when my external hard drive decided to just die. Erghhh...and my phone also decided to just go haywire so I had to format it. Erghhhh....I'll try again, maybe ade rezeki HDD tu nak hidup balik ke. So no photos for now haa...

Gemok gemok gemok!

Berat saya naik dengan banyak. Sekian.

Kisah elevator

Assalamualaikum...

Alhamdulillah masih wujud blog ni. Entah kenapa saya terdetik untuk bukak blog (mungkin sebab laptop akhirnya dapat di-On setelah sekian lama). Bila terbaca post2 lama, terdetik pula rasa nak menulis. Zaman blog-memblog semakin lama semakin dilupakan tapi ada untungnya mereka yang setia menulis. In the future, dapat rewind balik ke tahun-tahun sebelum ini and relive the moment. Itu salah satu gunanya blog, semacam online journal (at least to me it is). Bukan menulis untuk dunia membaca, tapi untuk diri sendiri.

Oleh itu, saya nak relive moment semalam dan hari ini yang saya rasa terhibur bila diingat kembali. I've wrote this on Twitter tapi terlalu pendek untuk menceritakan the whole story. Sejak beberapa minggu lepas, kami selalu keluar untuk menguruskan hal-hal adik yang nak fly ke Manchester. So, ke shopping mall, ke bangunan Mara, ke Putrajaya, dan macam-macam tempat lagi. Dan persamaan tempat2 yang dituju ni adalah semua bangunan2 tinggi dan mempunyai elevator.

Sejak kami kecil, memang kegemaran sangat menekan butang elevator ni. Sampai berebut-rebut, terkejar-kejar nak menjadi orang pertama menekan butang elevator. And because of that, mommy and daddy dah xperlu tekan butang elevator. That goes on for years. Sampailah satu-satu anak meningkat dewasa and masing-masing meninggalkan sarang.

Ok, back to the moments I was talking about. The first moment was yesterday (actually this moment has occured numerous times before but I've forgotten about them) when mommy and I went to PKNS Shah Alam. Kami bertiga (including Adam) berjalan dan bershopping la sementara menunggu baba habis meeting di bangunan berdekatan. Then, masuk waktu Asar. Kami pun menuju ke elevator untuk naik ke surau. We went in once the elevator doors open. We waited and then the elevator doors open again. Tapi saye perasan, kenapa kami masih di tingkat yang sama? And this sudden realization came to me that both of us didn't push the button. I said to my mom, "Maaaa, mama xtekan button tu." And my mom said, "Kan kakteh yang slalu tekan." But I was on the left side of the elevator and the buttons are on the right side where my mom was standing. Plus, I was with my son's pushchair in front of me, agak susah la nak ke kiri and tekan butang tu. So automatically it's my mom's 'responsibility' to push the button. There was a guy who went into the elevator, and he laughed listening to our conversation (bygkan me and Adam on the left side, mommy on the right side and he was right in the middle). He heard our whole conversation about not pushing the button. It was so embarrassing we both (me and mommy) ended up laughing our heads off.

Now, the second moment. That happened just a few hours ago when we went to Mara. Selepas urusan Achik dh selesai di Mara, kami ke Mara Digital untuk cari a few things. After enough shopping for one day, we headed for the elevator. We (me, mommy, daddy, Achik and Adam) were actually talking about something so nobody really paid any attention to the elevator. We kept on talking and talking. It was when my legs started to feel tired that I wondered what's taking the elevator so long. So I looked at the buttons (up/down) and neither of them lit up. Meaning nobody pushed the button. So I said to them, "Kita nak turun cmne butang pon xtekan". Everybody assumed Achik would push the button because well, she's the youngest. But we forgot that she also is an adult now. Oleh itu, tanggungjawab menekan butang elevator automatically jatuh ke Adam. Ahahahaha...

These moments sounded funnier in my head. I guess I'm not a good storyteller. Huhu...nevermind.

P.s: Can't wait to see my baby daddy tomorrow. Sila balik cepat, Adam dah rindu (ehem). TQ

Pengalaman Melahirkan Muhammad Adam.

Bismillah,
Assamualaikum dear blog.

It's been a year. How time flies.
Now I'm one year older and hopefully wiser. Haha
And now I'm a happy mother of one. ^-^

Ok, back to my main purpose of writing this entry. I want to write my experience giving birth to a healthy little boy before I forget. Because as we all know, I forget pretty easily. Meh.

Pagi Jumaat, around 8 o'clock (35++ weeks)
Waktu tu saye sedang tidur di katil. Yeah, I know...I shudn't be sleeping but it was rather boring, not knowing what to do. Bangun pon sakit, jalan pon sakit, duduk pon sakit. I believe I had this thing called symphisis pubic dysfunction (SPD). Sepanjang mengandung memang asyek sakit di pubic area especially time miring kanan kiri mase baring, mase nak bangun dr tidur, dan waktu2 lain. Sakitnye mencucuk-cucuk. Kadang-kadang tu terjerit la jugak kalau sakitnye datang. Tapi alhamdulillah sakitnye xberlanjutan. Hanya sesaat. Ok, back to the story. Waktu tu tgh tidur separa lena, tibe2 rase macam terkencing dalam suar. Ahahaha...sangat amat xsenonoh di situ tapi memang itu yg terjadi. Perasaan nak buang air tu xde plak terase, tup tup sejenis cecair nak mengalir kuar. Nasib baiklah tandas sangat dekat dengan katil. Sepantas kilat saye lari ke toilet and do my thing. kemudian saye kembali la ke katil untuk menyambung tidur. Then, again, it happened. Terase cecair mengalir keluar tanpe perasaan nak buang air kecil. Disebabkan rase cm musykil jadi saye check cecair ape yang keluar. Rupenye2 cecair tu agak berlendir dan bercampur darah. Haaaaaaa...jeng jeng jeng, air ketuban dah pecah. Tanpe mempanikkan diri, saye cari mama and told her what happened.

Yang bagusnye since baby belum cukup bulan, saye belum abes pack barang2 utk dibawak ke hospital. Barang baby dh siap la. Barang ibunye yg belum. Ahaha...Kelam kabut la Asyiqin mengemas segale yg diperlukan masuk dalam bag. Bile dh abes kemas tu rs cm nak pulang kampung seminggu. Banyak betul barang tp apekan daye, mase xcukup dh nak kisahkan tentang perkare xbrpe penting tu. Selame dr pecah ketuban mmg xde rase sakit. Plan asalnye is nak lahirkan baby kat DEMC. Patutnye that weekend nak pegi jumpe doktor, tgk sape yg sesuai nak dijadikan my O&G. Tapi apekan daye, baby sudah mahu keluar. Plus due hari sebelumnye baruuuuu je buat appointment dgn doktor HSB sebab kne rujuk dr klinik kesihatan atas sebab baby ade potensi jd macrosomia. Dgn dr HSB pon xsempat jumpe sebab appointment 24hb Feb. So akhirnye ke hospital kerajaan yg terdekat je la kitorg pegi. Which is Hospital Sg Buloh.

Around 9 o'clock
Dengan xsempat breakfast, xbawak air, xbawak snacks, terus memecut ke HSB. Ade sesekali rase cm lenguh kat pinggang but xde rs sakit. Sampai2 hospital saye terus pegi daftar, but xramai sangat org time tu. Dulu bace2 blog org katenye slalu penuh la, crowded la. Hmmmm....after daftar nurse suruh masuk bawak kain batik sehelai untuk diCTG. Time pasang CTG tu nurse cakap denyut jantung baby cm lemah sikit, disuruh sy goyang2 kaki kesana kesini. Macam tgh berenang atas katil la plak. Ahahaha

After a while, datang la sorg houseman nak check pembukaan. Mase tu dah kul 10 pagi gak la. Pembukaan 2 cm. Doktor tanye xde rase sakit ke sebab time die check graf contraction tu sbnrnye dh kuat and kerap. Saye just cakap sy lenguh kat belakang. That's it. Mmg xrase lg sakitnye tu. Abes CTG tu, saye pon disuruh scan, nak tgk air ketuban still byk x, songsang atau x, etc. After that, saye duduk la kat kerusi2 yg disediakan kat tengah2 ward tu bersame beberape org ibu-ibu mengandung yg lain. Semuanya nampak cm tue. Ahahahaa dorg pon kalau bersembang, sesame sendiri je. I was left out of the conversations. Saya just observe and berkira2 agaknya sampai bila nak kena duduk di kerusi tu. Sambil mata melilau tgk keadaan di ward bersalin tu. Kadang2 terdengar bunyi sorg patient ni terjerit2 kesakitan. Macam dh nak terberanak tapi xpon sebab saya dgr nurse cakap belum masa and dorg suruh miring ke kiri. Lagipon dia di bilik latent which means bukaan dia belum masuk 4cm. Kalau first pregnancy, kira long way to go la. Hehe

So there I was, in the common area...tgk akak dpn saya ni bawak sebungkus plastik penuh roti milo dan sebagainya. And I was, alamak lapar la pulak. Dahaga pon ada tp xbawak pape. Berkira2 agaknya boleh keluar ke tidak ye? Tp saya keluar jugak cari mama sbb lapau. Haha nasib baik dkt waiting area tu ade vending machine. Beli la setin air Milo. Nak kasi bertenaga la konon.

Dh abes minum saya masuk balik, duduk balik kat kerusi tu tunggu masa. Terlupa nak bawak phone (rsnya xboleh bawak kot ntah la). Mase contraction pon macam xdpt nak track. Tgk jam tp malas nak kira. Masa tgh hari macam tu, rasa la jugak sakit contraction tu dah agak kuat. Kalau nak describe saya dh xingat. Yang saya tahu, setiap contraction tu sampai tangan saya genggam terketar2 menahan sakit. Tp mungkin sebab sy baru rasa sakit, dan ni first time nk bersalin, I was expecting lama lg la nk fully dilated. So segala kesakitan contraction tu saya macam anticipate akan rasa jauh lebih sakit in a few hours.

Orang kata kalau nak cepat bersalin kena berjalan2 kan. Tp mase kat situ sy xbanyak berjalan pon. Saya just duduk baca la segala doa yang saya tahu. Constantly mintak kat Allah dipermudahkan segala proses. Tiba2 rasa macam nak buang air besau pulak. Saya pon pegi je la masuk ke toilet tanpa pengetahuan sape2. Sy xinform nurse ke apa ke yg saya nak pegi toilet nak buang air. Sebab xexpect nak beranak kan. Ye la baru berapa jam. Last check pun baru bukaan 2cm.

Tapi mmg xbuang air pon. Keluar dari toilet tu, terus rasa cm nak meneran. Saya stop betul2 dpn toilet tu and tangan pegang kaunter. Menahan sakit contractions. Pastu kebetulan ade sorg nurse dia tanya, ok x? Saya pon cakap la sy rasa nak buang air. Pastu dia start kelam kabut, suruh saya pergi bilik sebelah yg ada ada doktor untuk check dalam. Bila dah pegi, dah check dalam. Haaa dah crowning! Punya la relax Asyiqin nak buang air kat toilet padahal kepala baby dh nak kuar. Haha

Pastu doktor pon tolak ke labour room, saya mmg dh xtahan dah rasa nak meneran je. And since it was my first time and sangat la inexperienced. Meneran macam xcukup nafas. Meneran secara x efektif. They kept on trying to widen the birth canal. Sakit ok.

Selama saya jadi student praktikal kat hospital di Jakarta, bidan sana ajar kalau nak buat episiotomy, tunggu time dorg tgh contraction. So that it doesn't hurt as much. Tapi masa saya, dorg potong masa saya bukan tgh contraction. So I can feel them cutting my muscles! Sakit okaayyyy!!!! Hang ingat main potong2 playdoh ka apa?

Not long after that, lahirlah baby boy berat 2.9kg masa orang nak pegi solat Jumaat. Jam 1.32pm 20 February 2015. My husband xsempat nak sambut. He was not even in the same state. Mmg xkan sempat pon kalau kuar baby 1st pon secepat ni. Cmne la agaknya baby next2 nanti.

Ok, that's all for now. Till next time. Hehe

Tidak faham.

Bismillah
Assalamualaikum...

Xfaham kenape segale bende buat saye marah kebelakangan ni. Sikit-sikit marah, sikit-sikit geram. I've never been like this before. At least not longer than a day. I kind of want to slap something in its face if it had one. Mane agaknye datang segale amarah dalam diri ni? Everything pon rase cm mencabar kesabaran. Ah women and hormones. Why do I have to succumb to you hormones? I'm better than you. Hah! Istighfar Asyiqin istighfar. Okay, I should keep quiet today. Don't start a conversation. Just be present but not involved. Okay, good plan. Hehehe

Ade exam arini. But I don't have the slightest mood to get out of my room today. I'm not even excited to go to Jogja anymore. *mentally sleeping in*

This is for you, Alma.

Assalamualaikum....

Post ini khas untuk Alma Farhana. Die yang suh saye update blog. So here...

Hai Almaaaaaaaaaaa~

It's not that I don't have anything to write about. It's just that I don't feel like posting them. I wrote a lot of things actually. But they are not for people to read, that's all. And I have two blogs. I wrote on my other blog as well. So all in all, I haven't actually stopped writing. 

Oh by the way, I have a long-term project! Hopefully this goes according to plan. Woohoo...

*stilltakpuashatidengantheamazingspiderman2*
 *barusedartahun2013takpostpape*

Ok bye Alma. Alma busuk. =P

Our tale. ❤️

Bismillah

Assalamualaikum...

Saye sebenarnya sudah berkurun lamanya berniat untuk menulis tentang hari bahagia saya tp entah mengapa memori indah tersebut hanya ingin bermain di fikiran setiap hari setiap saat. Belum rela dilepaskan dari diri untuk dikongsi bersama. I don't mean anything insulting by this. I just want to absorb everything in. I know I have to write this down eventually. I know this very well. I know I'm not good at remembering things. Oh I pray to Allah let me hold on to these forever. Very important days of your life, you should remember it by heart right? Oh I wish I had that ability. Sometimes I forget other people's names after less than 10 minutes. So, I've decided to put this on writing (virtually).

This is how our story goes...

Out first meeting (couldn't remember the exact date)

If I'm not mistaken, it was the first semester of our medic course. Our first year. The topics we were studying were a lot and very exhausting. It was about the process of life. Everything. From zygote to gendered baby. Some of us joined group discussions in order to understand about this process of life at a much shorter time. Then, one day...I asked one of the group members where she was going (she was heading to her group discussion). She suggested that I join it. So, me and this one other girl...bravely joined this friend of mine to her group discussion. They welcomed me. That was my very first group discussion btw. I've always been a lone ranger. Wuwuu...

He was there.

Each of us was assigned to study of a specific topic and expected to present it the next day.

*the next day*

It was my turn to explain everything that I've learned the day before. I was nervous (of course!). I'm so worried if I were to give out wrong information, if I were to mistook what I read the day before. I was worried if I were the cause to my friends' failure (belum exam pon lg but my thoughts went THAT far already). I don't know if I could handle that much responsibility. But I went on anyway. I dont know if I remember this right but while I was presenting my topic, someone paused me. He stopped me from continuing. Maybe he didn't understand something from what I've explained. What I'm very sure is... at the end, I asked this to him. "Kau xsuke aku ke?". I was very sure he was angry about something because he yelled this to me... "Ko nak explain ke x?". I was in my argue mode but since there were too many witnesses, I pulled away. I continued with my explanation.

That was our first meeting. Our first conversation actually. Very weird right? Not really movie-ish. Tak romantik langsung!! Ahahah...

How it began (29th January 2010)

It was nearing exam week. Everybody's busy doing revisions, answering past years exam papers. At that time, Yahoo! Messenger was still the 'in' thing. Most of us were still using YM to communicate with other people in the virtual world.

Suddenly I got this friend request (friend request kah? ntah la. add2 la pastinye) from him. I took a few minutes thinking. Because I wasn't sure what were his motives. I was still thinking that he had some problems with me since our first conversation. I accepted his friend request anyway. He immediately IM-ed me. Asking about some cells. Pathologic ones. I answered those questions for him.

The Proposal (18th May 2010)

A few months (5 months) after that, he proposed (through YM). It was a shock to me. Seriously. I'm not even kidding. Not even a bit. I wasn't expecting it at all. That came out of nowhere. He suddenly proposed. I was already thought of him as 'just a friend'. The one who doesn't talk to you in real life. Plus, I thought he was liking somebody else. That had always been in my mind, that he was not looking for more than just a virtual buddy to talk to. After much shock, I told him to wait 3 YEARS to even talk about marriage (I think I was avoiding the situation). I was aiming to get married at the age of 25, that proposal caught me off guard. I wasn't even 20 years old at the time.

And not long after the proposal (a few minutes), my father called. As if he knew his daughter was in need of help. I immediately told my father about the proposal. I don't know how my father felt at the time, but I think he was shocked. Words didn't flow out of his mouth so swiftly as always. Baba suruh solat istikarah and ask for His guidance. I prayed, I asked for His guidance every day. And finally I was sure. I was calm, no more shock.

He asked again and I said yes. ^-^

'Officially' Fiancé Fiancée (31st December 2011)

After much hardship, obstacles, drawbacks, hindrance...exactly 1 year, 7 months and 13 days, we officially got engaged. In a so-so kenduri. Mak sarungkan cincin ke jari2 manis kanan dan kiri. And I remember she said, "halusnya tangaaann~". Ahahaha, ye mak...sangat halus. Cam zombie punye jari. =.=" That was my first time pakai make-up. I was very uncomfortable on that day. But in spite all, I was happy we were one step closer. 1 step closer to the real thing. 

Di sinilah titik bermulanya ujian. Terutamanya bile sudah bergelar tunangan. Memang tidak mengubah apa2 realiti tp di situlah terletaknya ujian sebenar. Susah teramatlah susah. Sangat bersyukur ada yang masih sayang dengan diri kami yang hina ini, saban kali mengingatkan di hati. Peringatan demi peringatan, tanpa putus. Always reminding ourselves, we have boundaries. Thank you Allah. =) 

The Real Thing! Nikah day~ (29th December 2012)

*after exactly 2 years, 11 months* 

I don't even know how to describe my feelings. Berdebau? Mungkin. Nervous? Mungkin. Segan? Mungkin. Risau? Mungkin juge. Xsabau? Sangat mungkin. Ahaha....Saye sendiri tidak dapat memahami perasaan waktu itu. Mungkin hanya keadaan yang dapat menjelaskan. Tidak dapat diluahkan dengan kate2.

Yang menyalam tok kadi di tgh surau, Encik Muhammad Hasif sah menjadi suami dengan dua lafaz, alhamdulillah~ Sangat lancar sekali! Mesti die practice berkali2 tu. Hikhikhik...sangat comel plak bile dikenangkan. XD Dan dengan itu, Cik Nur Asyiqin bertukar menjadi Power Ranger warne pink. Ahahaha, bukan2...jd Puan Nur Asyiqin~ Puan puan puan puan puan puan puan.....still xbiase dengar. =.="

Alhamdulillah majlis berjalan lancar walau hujan rintik sedikit (it was raining very heavily the day before, we feared for the flood). A lot of my friends came. Sangat terharu bile kawan2 sekolah rendah/menengah yang tinggal di Penang susah payah datang jauh2 untuk ke walimah kami. Rasa macam nak nangis di situ, but make-up tebal takut rosak lebih teruk pule nnti. huhu...

I think I am the most unconventional bride dalam history bangsa Melayu. I changed into my Skechers shoes while the walimah is still going on. My 4-inch platforms, I tossed them away! ahahaha...Sangat tidak senunuh di situ, but I wouldn't seksa my feet for beauty. Huhuu...

The Puan

Oh2, peristiwa yang agak mengejutkan buat kami berdua berlaku sewaktu kami dalam perjalanan keluar dari kapal terbang setelah mendarat di Jakarta, Indonesia. One of the air hosts called me Puan! How did he know? Hmmmm...Maybe he was all too familiar with passengers of the aircraft. Dh bermacam ragam die jumpe, kan? Die dh bulih bace gerak geri org agaknya.

Sudah selamat berlalu lebih dari 1 bulan kehidupan kami sebagai suami isteri. I am very blessed to have such helpful husband, very loving, ultimately funny, imperfectly perfect for me, and super duper adorable. All in all, I'm a very happy wife. Still trying to better herself. I'm grateful to have found a wonderful husband to be my guide to our final destination, His jannah. Alhamdulillah for this blessing, alhamdulillah for Your guides, alhamdulillah for everything. I believe that His plans are the best for He is the best of planners.

Kawan2, doakan yang terbaik untuk kami... ^-^

Dear, I love you so much~ 

Benang yang nak dekat putus.

Bismillah
Assalamualaikum~

Lately entah kenape hati ni rase sangat gundah gulane. Terlebih sensitif. Overtalkative. Super obsessive. Under-productive. Eeee, kadang2 rs cm nak tumbuk diri sendiri. Hentak kat meja, pukul kepale. Tampar pipi, ketap gigi, kayu sugi. Ok mengarut. Pokoknye rase cm nak marah diri sendiri. Rase cm iman dh jatuh smpi lubang cacing susah nak jumpe. Rase cm "patutkah berfikiran cmtu?". Rase berdosa, rase bersalah, rase xpatut.

Knpe minda ni berlegar2 berfikiran bnde same? Tup tup ke situ jugak die pergi. Dh usaha lupekan, tp timbul balik fikiran cmtu. Susah, memang sangat susah. Xbulih dinafikan. Xbulih disangkal, xmampu menyangkal. Kalau bulih fikiran cmtu dipisahkan dari diri, sy rela. Pisahkanlah. Jauhkanlah. Hilangkanlah. Shu shu shuuuu, I beg you.

Kadang-kadang rase nak duduk di dunia sendiri. Jauh dari manusia. Jauh dari semua. I guess it'll be very lonely. But it's necessary. Dalam usaha nak membleach semua tinta2 hitam dari kanvas ni, tindakan itu perlu. Tapi sadly, it's impossible. I cannot create a world. I live in a world filled with people. The problem is not even them, it's me. I should get away from myself. Is that even possible? I'm no Wanderer (The Host reference). I can't separate my soul from my body. Maybe not soul, maybe just my brain. The place where I produce thoughts. Can I get it out of my skull? No, I obviously cant. Or shud I say, I won't. I dont think I'll live without a brain. I'm grateful for my brain. I just want to get rid of the thoughts. The unwanted thoughts. Bisikan-bisikan syaitan! Shuh shuh!! Shuuuhhh!!

I've always been a very private person. I don't really share much with people. Let it be possessions or feelings. Sedih sendiri, marah sendiri, suke sendiri (ok ni tipu), keciwe sendiri. Bile dh rase down, xleh nak share dgn org...rase lebih down. Bile rase seronok, xbulih nak share ngan org...pon rs down jugak. It's all in my mind. I overthink stuff. I overthink EVERYTHING! It's exhausting, it's tiring, it's destructive. Yes, I'm self-destructing. I'm a ticking bomb. Waiting to explode. But somehow, it never does. I have the One to thank for that. Self-motivating. Self-reassuring. Self-pat on the shoulder. All that is His doing and I'm grateful for it. Bersyukur akal ni masih intact. Bersyukur dengan gejolak emosi ni pon, hati ni tetap kuat nak bertahan. Memang betul, janji Dia. Dia xkan uji melebihi kemampuan hamba-Nya. Saye percaye.

IT'S RAINING!!! I love rain so much~ -3.09am-

Dengan kondisi dalam 'bubble' ni pon, saye masih selamat. Belum ada jarum-jarum yang menusuk, belum ada duri-duri yang mencucuk, belum ada tangan-tangan melampaui batas nak memecahkan bubble ni. Masih selamat terbang di udara, lihat dunia, mengejar syurga. Alhamdulillah~

Sorry la Asyiqin, saye mengarut di pagi hari. (ckp ngan diri sendiri). Marilah kite lihat keindahan alam, tenangkan diri. Ingat mati.

Tau dh upload, nak upload lg skali jugak. xkire!

Matahari yang tanpanye kite derite, dengannye juga kite sengsare. Ahaha...ok cukup with kemengarutan di pagi hari. Salam~

Curug Cilember 23.10.2012

Bismillah
Assalamualaikum~

*mood bercerite*

Alhamdulillah dh selamat pergi dan balik ke/dari Curug Cilember smlm. *baru bangun dr pengsan* The day started a bit late since van yang kitorg tempah suddenly stuck in a massive jam. We waited for more than 2 hours. It shud've started earlier than that, 630am. But turned out we could only begin the journey at 9am. Xpe la, mungkin ade hikmah di situ. Kitorg sempat la makan2 utk breakfast. Sekadar mengisi perut and buat reservoir energy utk pendakian later. 

Perjalanan ke Curug Cilember...nothing too interesting. I think everybody's tired (from lack of sleep I suppose as we had to get ready VERY early). Most of them slept throughout the journey. I, on the other hand was confused whether to sleep or not. I keep waking up from unplanned naps and dreading each and every time coz nothing to do in that tight spot of the van. Couldnt really move that much. Sore. Bored. Indecisively sleepy maybe due to the scarcity of oxygen in the vehicle. Ahaha...

Around 11am, we reached the destination. Stretching our limbs loose as we got out of the van. A group of us already started climbing. Most of us stayed behind, only to ensure everybody's on their feet. *thats a lie* I'm with the second batch. Excited at the thought of hiking and enjoying the waterfall at the end of the trail (not really the end). Determined, I hiked and hiked. Ignoring the build up of lactic acid in my muscles. I'm like that, I pushed myself over my own limit. I don't know why. I only paid attention to the ground I'm stepping on. Only tilting my head up when there's Arabians (sejuk hati dgr dorg bagi salam kat kitorg, lembut je...huhu) descending from higher grounds. 

Pintu masuukk.

View from down below. Kerdilnye. Huuu...

In the beginning...the trail was ok. 

Our aim was to find our other friends who started climbing earlier. They've found a spot for us. But it was not easy finding the right path (there were a few trails). There was no sign, no nothing. We had to go with our guts. And apparently our guts were wrong. We ended up climbing far more than needed. The first batch was at Curug 3. We climbed almost to the top (Curug 1)! We hiked for more than an hour! It was exhausting. 

But then, we heard voices...a group of men we encountered earlier. They said we were nearing Curug 1 (I think everybody's jaw dropped to the floor at this statement). So, we followed the group of men down the slippery slopes. A few of us fell on our bottoms as we climbed down. I, amazingly...avoided falling flat on the grounds in spite of my clumsiness and frictionless shoes. Annddd....akhirnye dengar suare2 pompuan memanggil. Dh sampaiiii!! At last. 

I think I was too tired....my legs started shaking frantically once I stopped walking. I couldnt stop it. Somebody told me to sit but I couldnt even bend my knees. Clearly the porridge I ate earlier didnt provide me with enough energy for the hiking. I just wanted to get in the water and I did just that. I even ignored the food. Everybody else were eating, I was playing with the crystal clear water. Engrossed in the beauty I was witnessing in front of me. The flowing water. The ever majestic fall of the water from up above. The partially hindered sunlight in between the trees. Insects on the water. The sound of animals (but it's scary when I was alone, not knowing where everybody else was...sesat sorg2 jap). 

Waterfall~ At Curug 3!

I can see my hand in the water very clearlyy~ 

With a splash of colours. 

What I see with my eyes is far more beautiful than what is captured here. MasyaAllah. ^-^

Not long after that, ade a few mat Arab ni dtg spot kitorg. Along with their tour guide (tourguidekah?). I was facing them when they sat near the waterfall. And I realized they were eyeing us. Hmmmmm....awkwarddd! Dalam hati, I was like..."Eeeee, pak Arab ni...xnmpk ke pompuan2 kat sini? Bulih plak die mandi atas tu. Siap jeling2 lg. Go awaayyy!" I changed position. But still felt uneasy. I climbed up to our bags. Away from their eagle eyes. But I still feel uneasy. A few of us tried the staring game. Stare them until they go away. But I didnt think that would work. At least not fast enough. So, I mustered every courage I had, and ask the tour guide to guide them to higher waterfalls. I was surprised at first. I was never the one to take the initiative to start a conversation with a stranger. Let alone a man. Plus...it was not really a conversation. I was basically shuuu-ing them away. (it was rude but necessary)

Alhamdulillah, after the tour guide talked to the Arabians, they left. Success! ^-^ We climbed up to the waterfall and oooooohh the water was sooo freezing cold. My teeth chattering. My hands and legs are shivering. Involuntary response to keep my body warm, I suppose. Then, I stood under the waterfall. Let the water fall on me. It was colder there than everywhere else. The sound of the water cancelling the surrounding noises, voices and even blurred my vision. It was as if I was alone. Only the sound of the water was accompanying me. It was...peaceful. Oh how peaceful I felt down there. I love it. I didnt think of anything. Separated from my mind. I couldnt even think if I wanted to. 

Next, the climbing down. It was harder. Felt like the trails got more slippery. I almost fell a few times. It was a looongg way down. Again, my legs were shaking with every step I took. I was in dire need of food. Good thing climbing down didnt take much energy. Or else, my legs would turn jell-o. huhu....

Slippery slope. The trail we had to go thru from Curug 4 till Curug 1!

Nice view on the way back. 

What you shud see if you're lying flat on the ground.

And the journey ends as we reached home. Alhamdulillah for a wonderful yet tiring girls day out. :)

Wow.

Bismillah...
Assalamualaikum~

Wow. It's been 3 months since the last time I posted an entry. That was the day I returned to Malaysia. And now I'm already back in Indonesia. For the last semester before entering the clinical phase! Ahhhh..scary. Yup2. Scary. Not ready. Too heavy.  It's horrid.  I'm worried. People say if you feel that you're not ready, then most probably you're not. Or you're just too nervous to go through a whole new environment in front of you. You can see it but you can't quite grasp it. You have a picture of it in your mind but it's still blurry. That makes it even harder, right? Not knowing what to expect. Oh well, we have to try our best and leave the rest to Allah. He'll ease our way, InsyaAllah.

I read something today. It goes like this...

"And if Allah should amplify the provision for His servants they would certainly revolt in the earth; but He sends it down according to a measure as He pleases; surely He is Aware of, Seeing, His servants."

bahasa melayunye...

"Dan jikalau Allah melapang rezeki kepada hamba-hambaNya tentulah mereka akan melampaui batas di muka bumi, tetapi Allah menurunkan apa yang dikehendaki-Nya dengan ukuran. Sesungguhnya Dia Maha Mengetahui (keadaan) hamba-hambaNya, lagi Maha Melihat." (Asy-Syuura: 27)

Ever thought of why the things we want, we seldom get them? It says here that if Allah gives everything we've ever wanted in life on this dunya, then we, as human being will want even more. It is so typical of human to forget to be grateful for all the things we have. Always wanting the things we don't. Always hungry for more of the dunya. We shud always be grateful for every single thing we have, our beliefs, our faith, all that Allah has lent to us. What we get, is what we need.

"..and it may be that you dislike a thing while it is good for you, and it may be that you love a thing while it is evil for you, and Allah knows, while you do not know." (Al-Baqarah: 216)

Allah knows what's best for us. Put that trust deep in our hearts. Allah knows best! ^-^

Welcome home Asyiqin!

Bismillah
Assalamualaikum...

Alhamdulillah, Asyiqin telah sampai ke tanah air setelah 6 bulan meninggalkannye. Setelah bertarung nyawa dalam airplane tu utk mendapatkan posisi tido yang selesa, tudung dan baju berkedut sini sana, akhirnya Asyiqin tiba~ Jumpeee je ngan baba, trus kne berleter sbb kurus sangat (WHAT?!! Die tipu!) And on and on about herbalife..haha.

Ok, tinggal 2 hari je la eh nak Ramadhan. Rase neves la plak I. =P Cam nak pegi masuk examination hall. Tapi betul la kan? Bulan Ramadhan kite diuji dengan kesabaran, kelaparan, kehausan, sume 'ke-fillintheblank-an' la~ Kne la persiapkan diri kite untuk hadapi ujian2 yang mungkin lebih banyak dr bulan2 lain. Same cm exam kan? Dekat2 nak exam, kite pulun bace buku, sampai xtido malam. Minum nescafe bercawan2 just to keep our eyes open. Huhuhu...good luck and selamat beramal la ye kawan2. May we make the best of the opportunity that's in front of us. ^-^

Akhir kate, saye ingin meminta maaf sekiranya ade buat salah dan silap, selamat berpuasa dan selamat beramal~

Ape nak buat?

Bismillah

Assalamualaikum~

Lameee rasenye xmenulis kat blog ni. Huhuhu...Agaknye kalo blog ni sebuah rumah, mungkin dh penuh sawang, berhabuk2 and berdebu dh. =P Hmmm, busy sedikit bulan ni. hehehe...busy la sgt. =.="


So, semalam...saye telah belajar suatu yang sangat penting untuk kite terapkan dalam kehidupan seharian. Bincang2 tentang persediaan untuk menyambut kedatangan Ramadhan Al-Mubarak. Ape je persediaan kite untuk tingkatkan amalan2 serta beristiqamah dengan amalan2 tersebut dan macam2 lagi. Tapi yang paling terkesan di hati ni dalam perbincangan kitorg semalam is about akhlaq. Ape pemahaman kite ttg akhlaq ni? Saye xnak cerite tentang definisi akhlak ni. Sy just nak sentuh ttg aplikasi kite dalam hidup berkaitan dengan akhlak. 


Bagaimana yang kite katekan seseorang itu berakhlak? Baik dengan orang yang baik dengan kite? Senyum kembali pada mereka yg senyum pada kita? Sheikh Abdul Nasir ade menyebut how his teacher explain to him about akhlaq.

"Akhlaq is when someone's bad to you but you're so good to them, somebody's rude to you but you're still respectful to them.." 

Ape yang terlintas dalam fikiran kite bile dengar ayat kat atas? Rase susah? Xmampu? Cmne nak bersikap baik pada orang yang buat jahat kat kite? They deserve to get what they give to people. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Right? 

Cmne baik bile orang buat jahat ngan kite? Bile orang marah kite, kite xmarah balik. Itukah? Mungkin. Tapi cukupkan dengan xmarah sahaja? Yang dalam fikiran kite? Mate kite? Mulut kite? Ape yang bermain dalam fikiran kite mase2 cmtu? Makin hamun? Cmne pandangan kite selepas org buat jahat kat kite? Kite jeling? Cmne sikap kite? Acuh xacuh nak layan? Semua tu pon kne jage sekali. Komponen yang paling basic yang perlu kite ade dulu is kesabaran. Sebelum kite dapat menerapkan konsep memberi seribu kebaikan kepade mereka yang berbuat jahat dgn kite, kite perlu tingkatkan tahap kesabaran kite. (Asyiqin, dgr tu! Sabar!) 

Truthfully mmg susah nak aplikasikan bnde ni dalam kehidupan seharian. Especially mase tgh conflict atau ketegangan, mase berlalu sgt cepat smpi kite xsempat nak berfikir dulu sebelum kite bertindak dalam situasi tu. Sy amek contoh marah je la. Orang marah kat kite, die xsempat  nak abes ckp, kite dh balah balik. In the heat of the moment la~ Bersabar, bersangka baik, beri kebaikan...memang susah tapi mari kite cube! 

Jomm kite berusaha menjadi seorang muslim yang berakhlaq mulia! Sebagai persediaan bukan hanya utk bulan Ramadhan tapi sepanjang tahun~ Yosh! SEMANGAT! ^-^

Digging digging..

Bismillah

Assalamualaikum~

Saye gembire~

Sebab dapat buku...

Ok tipu, ni bukan buku-buku saye. 

But they are my dad's. 

Suke bile bace2 and discover many things yang kite xtau. 

I find it interesting. Kadang2 rase cm...

"Asyiqin, ini pon xtauu?"

"Asyiqin, bukan cmtu laaaa!!" =.="

"Ohhhhh, begitu rupenye~"

Tu yang rs lagi semangat nak cari tau tu. XD

Terime kasih juga kepada idol saye, Paaja sbb saye 'curi2' bace buku2 you. ahaha

Oh daddy, I rasmi dulu ye buku tu? Thanks~!

Changing places.

Bismillah~

Assalamualaikum...

Have you ever thought of changing places with another person? Haven't thought about it? But if you had, who would it be? Most probably someone who's living a better life than you're having now, right? Always wanting the thing we don't have, and taking for granted of the things we do have. Typical. Silly. Ungrateful. 

How about changing places with the less fortunate? Who would want to change places if that's the case? Nobody would wish that. Right? But think about it once in a while. Putting ourselves in their shoes, the less fortunate. I've always been reminded of that. I thank that reminder of mine. =) It is only then that we feel blessed. 

Right now, I feel like I'm living the life of another person. And that person is living mine. It's not necessarily bad, but it's weird. Weirdo Asyiqin~

Ok done.

[Edited]

I saw an episode of Glee (20) just now and it was exactly what I was talking about. They change characters, and it's funny. ahaha...weird~

Rindu...

Bismillah~

Assalamualaikum...

Rindunye nak menulis tapi tgh menghidap writer's block (perasan writer jap). Cannot think of anything to write. Orang kate hidup ni penuh dengan seni. Seni melukis, seni menulis, seni memasak, seni seni seni seni...sume la berkaitan dgn seni. Ade unsur2 kreativiti yang diperlukan dalam melakukan sesuatu. Menulis perlukan kreativiti, macam mane nak menarik pembaca utk teruskan pembacaan (ok, I dont have this). Melukis pon memang sah2 perlukan kreativiti, biar buruk asalkan kreatif...haha. Memasak pon same, perlukan kreativiti...kadang2 dah ikut recipe sebijik sebijun pon bleh jadi disaster, so di situlah perlunya seni mengalter! Ahaha...

***

Cannot wait to go back home for raya. 

Ukrida cpt la tentukan tarikh balik...

Tick tock tick tock~

***

Maluuuu~ Baik sangaatt, I'm so ashamed.

You came to me in that hour of need. =')