My twin sister...

Bismillah
Assalamualaikum..

Not too long ago, someone once told me that he recognized me from afar just by looking at the way I walk. Since then, I kept on thinking...do I really have my own style of walking? Talking? Laughing? Looking? etc. I really want to know how I've been presenting myself in front of people. I want to look at myself. I need somebody who is exactly like me to see all those with my own two myopic eyes. Like inspecting without 'me' noticing. I can't look at mirrors because I won't act naturally that way.

I've pictured myself with a twin sister before. The exact copy of myself. Almost like a clone. Who eats, sleeps, laughs, talks, walks and does everything else like I do. But we all know twins aren't exactly similar in every way. Yes, they may look alike, or have the same height, or have the same shoe size, or the same length of hair, or maybe have the same way of thinking...but I'm sure they don't talk or laugh or look at people the same way. People who are close to twins (identical) can differentiate between the two just by looking at minor details. Their different hair style maybe, scar, moles, smile, emotions, etc. (I don't know what these last two sentences are for, bear with me.)

A twin sister. Hurm, I wonder~ I'm very sure this is the influence of that Thai horror movie 'Alone'. But I don't want to be the one who died, strangled by her Siamese twin sister. Nor the one who strangled the twin sister. Hurm~ Ok, so weird.  And I'm pretty sure Tia and Tamera has something to do with this. Aiyoo~

I just want to look at myself the way other people look at me (if they ever). See what I do wrong, what I should change, what I should do, what I shouldn't do. But I know that's impossible (to have a twin sister). It's hard to realize you're doing something wrong/right when you're the one doing it.

So, there. That's what I've been thinking about for the past few days. Aside from the other important things I should be thinking. Haaaahh...*pusing, pening, dizzy, vertigo*

I know I should care more about how I present myself to Him. Think more about that Asyiqin! Tsk3~

*Lega sudah. Rase macam terangkat la sikit beban di bahu. hoho...

Ada hikmah.

Bismillah.
Assalamualaikum~

Yes, saya amat yakin ada hikmahnya. Mungkin kita xnampak, but pastinya ada! Mungkin belum ada, but pastinya akan ada! I'm very sure of it. Knpe sesuatu itu ditarik dari kita? Pastinya Dia ada sesuatu yang lebih baik utk diberikan kepada kita. Mungkin bukan the better version of ape yang ditarik, but surely something better. Mungkin diturunkan dalam bentuk lain. Bentuk material? Spiritual? Financial? Achievements? We never know. Itu hanya Dia yang tahu.

Ade hikmah, ade hikmah, ade hikmah, ade hikmah, ade hikmah, ade hikmah, ade hikmah. Pasti! Dialah sebaik2 perancang. Percayakan Dia.

So, bersabarlah wahai hati. Tempuhi dugaan dengan sabar. Dugaan ini xseberat mereka di sana. Bersyukurlah. Semoga kesabaran dalam menempuhi perjalanan ini dapat membentuk diri menjadi lebih baik. Amiiin...

The best part

Bismillah~
Assalamualaikum...

So, today...we went to Taman Mini Indonesia Indah or TMII for short. It was planned a long time ago but only now that we got the time to go there. Hurm, more or less the same things, went to Taman Budaya Tionghoa, tgk ikan air tawar, taman serangga and kupu2, musium perajurit, tgk cite T-Rex jap, tgk 4D theatre, replika rumah2, cable car..balik.

And the best part is...the sky. It's when I saw the clouds while in the cable car that I became hyped up. It was so beautiful I couldn't stop talking about it. My friends who were in the cable car with me most probably shut themselves down as I was babbling away about it. Let me just show you what I saw.

The first picture, I captured it right after the cable car started moving towards the other end. So, I didn't get to see the bigger view of the clouds. I just saw the sun behind that shark-head-looking cloud. It was beautiful enough to get me started talking. And as the cable car moved farther away, to the opposite side of taman mini...I saw this, the bigger picture. 

Subhanallah~ I felt like crying. I'm so blessed. =) And suddenly, all the mishaps seems like nothing as I have this to appreciate.You can't see it clearly from these pictures (maybe you can click on the picture). Basically, the light from the sun was obstructed by the clouds to reach land, so it casts shadows. Hope I can see that every minute of every day. Actually, I just have to look closely and I will see it. =) Oh, so many reasons to smile~ ^___________________________^ 

Stargazing...

Bismillah...
Assalamualaikum~

Stargazing has always been my hobby. Moon gazing too. But not sun gazing, I'd be blind by now, ahaha. So, yesterday, I went to Kuningan and only went back after maghrib. And the sky was dark by the time I reached my neighbourhood. I had to walked a few hundred meters before making it to the house. I looked up at the black sky and searched for the stars. It took me a few second to actually see them. One after another, appeared out of nowhere. It's like they are visible only to those who look for them. If that's the case, I'd be super grateful that oh-so-many stars in the sky appear just for me (the person who looked for them).

During my school days at TGB, I looked at the sky almost every night. On my way to class, there's this open space with no roof on top that I had to pass through. That was the place where I had the chance to star-gaze while speed walking to class. Among sweet memories I had in TGB, stargazing was one of them. Sweet memories I made with myself. The time I felt calm, happy, carefree, etc. Imagining how vast the world beyond Earth is.

This past few days, again, I had the chance to see the night sky. And luckily there's very little clouds, so I could see a wider view of the sky. Meaning more stars! And the night I came back from Kuningan, I saw the Big Dipper! That was my first time spotting a constellation after years of stargazing. Yeah, I'm not really an astrology freak, so I don't know much about constellations. Maybe I've been staring at it my whole life, but I just didn't notice it. Who knows~ But I'm very sure it was the Big Dipper. Seriously, I love looking at the moon, the stars, all the beautiful creations of His. Alhamdulillah~ =)

I saw this!! XD

One day, if possible, I want to see aurora borealis. I wish.

A stroll down the beach....

Bismillah...

Assalamualaikum~

Alhamdulillah selesai sudah integrasi 1 untuk blok 23. But forget not Asyiqin, you have mini OSCE in two days.  I didn't do very well the first time, so I need to be at the ready for the second one this month and hope for the best. I stayed up all night yesterday, only to have less than 30 minutes of sleep for the last 32 hours. I couldn't even climb up the stairs without wobbling. My bag felt so heavy I almost toppled over a few times. Then, after the exam...a class. I slept for a few minutes in class before I was jerked awake by the noise the other students were making. And not long after that, the class ended. It's time for me and my housemates to head home.

As we were walking out of the class, I speed-walked (didn't bother to wait for any of my housemates) coz I couldn't hold the sleepiness any longer. I needed to sleep. But I was too tired, I decelerated and walked a steady pace. I looked at the sky, it was not blue. Not as bright as usual. It was grey. Rain is bound to fall tonight, I thought to myself. So, I walked alone (not really alone, just nobody by my side). Looked at my feet, one step after the other. Felt the wind blowing through my face. It reminded me of the beach. So, I walked even slower. My housemates in the distance. I didn't want to catch up to them. I wanted to be alone. Flushing everything out of my head. Imagining myself strolling down a white sandy beach. Avoid stepping on seashells or shards of glass.

In reality, the path I was taking was far from what I imagined. It doesn't smell like the ocean. No white sand. No seashells. Being sleep-deprived really made my mind go wild. I was in a far far away land. I need to go somewhere, where I can sit and don't think. At all. Just enjoy the scenery and the time. Not worrying about anything. Just me and Allah. If I could survive that, I would have done it. Swimming all day and sit by the campfire by night. Oh, so carefree.

I imagined waterfalls in front of me. Cold clear water. Little fish swimming in the splashing water underneath. Rainbows (yes, multiple) over my head. Trying to grasp it, if possible keep it in a jar. A jar of rainbow. If only~ Ah, imagination.

I should be sleeping right now but instead, I'm wide awake. 34 hours and counting...

I didn't realize it before.

Bismillah...
Assalamualaikum~

The thing that I've been asking people about, searching for answers...at last, I got it! I figured it out. How? It's by being on the other side of the story. When you're in that story, you don't feel anything. But when you're watching/reading the story, you'll feel all sorts of emotions from it. I didn't get it before. I was curious, how is it that people can see what I can't see? I kept on thinking but to no avail.

So, I tried a different approach. By being them. See it through their eyes. And I think it helped. Well, it didn't actually prove anything but at least this gives me peace of mind. Rather than continuing to brainstorm, urgh very tiring I tell you. And I have so many other things to do.

Okay, now that that's settled, I can do something else. Huhuhu...

*****

My dad once told me..."you shouldn't say something like that in front of these people". Something like that? These people? Actually, the story goes like this...me, dad and mummy were at a driving range coz my dad wanted to practice hitting golf balls and after 90+ balls, he asked me to try. I didn't want to because I know I wasn't good at it, but part of me wanted to try...just once. So, I agreed. Tried hitting this one ball but failed numerous times. I was fed up, I blurted out "ishh, benci la main golf!" in front of many golf enthusiasts, including my dad. And he said the aforementioned phrase. I was like, what's wrong with that? I didn't understand what I said wrong.

It isn't as easy as it looks. 

(tongue-twister! try saying that 10 times in a row)

Then, today...I understand why. The same thing happened. But this time, I'm one of the 'golf enthusiasts'. Hearing a person say like that about something we like, something we're pursuing, something we're into...is hurtful. Even if we have no rights over his/her opinion about it. So, the moral of the story? Brainstorm and figure it out by yourself. Huhihuhi...

Lalala~

Reminder...

Bismillah...
Assalamualaikum~

I've reached Jakarta...for the umpteenth time. And the part I like about coming back here is...sitting at the window seat of the plane. Having the chance to witness the picturesque views from up above. The clouds, the sea, the sun, shadows of clouds cast by the sun on the surface of the sea and land, layer after layer of clouds, raindrops, cars and motorcycles the size of ants down below, different yet beautiful shades of colours showing the merging of sea and the beach, the waves, the horizon, and if lucky...the sunset/sunrise.

The main reason I like all those things is because it always reminds me of our Creator. The complexity of it all just shows how little and helpless we are without Him. How shadows are cast? How clouds can bear water and release it as raindrops? Why is it released in raindrops and why not like the waterfall? How is snow formed? It boggles your mind just thinking about it. But that's how Allah makes it work. It's amazing. A constant reminder if we truly look. Alhamdulillah~

It's amazing to see all the clouds are gathering themselves to cover the land, give shade for the humans from the scorching heat of the sun. And yet we still complain coz there's no wind. Tsk3~ Humans...

(gmbr xlawa, kamera xbawak, pikasa xmau bukak)

***

I was having a tough day and the day just got worse and worse by the minute. I found out that once again, I'm the only Malaysian in my group this semester. Plus I've been grouped with the person that most of us 'despise'.  I'm the only one in group B in this house. Yes, what are the odds of being the sole 'survivor' in group B? 1 out of 14! And I'm the one! (Yeah, it's no big deal.) I should be proud to be the selected one. The SPECIAL one. But being the only one in everything just made me sad. Haip! Be strong Asyiqin! Yosh!
\(^.^)/

And then, another thing happened...my lotion spilled out of its bottle into my bag. My pencil case, book, purse all covered in lotion. And I blurted out an almost-scream...."Oh nooooo!!!" And then I realized, 'oh Asyiqin how ungrateful you are as a human. This is how Allah wants it to be. Accept it and deal with it', I said to myself. I'm so glad the only words I uttered was 'oh no' and nothing else. I so regret the feeling I had this morning, this afternoon, this evening. Oh Asyiqin. Bad girl!

***

Yeah, I'm not done yet. People say, don't compare your life with others because you don't know what they've been through in their journey of life. And I agree, but it's very hard to do. It's true that maybe in some ways other people's life seems much better than the one you're having, but we don't really know the absolute truth. Do they display happiness and 'prosperity' to others sincerely? Or are they faking it? Are the smiles and laughters real? We can't know for sure unless we're that people. Even if all those laughters, happiness, 'prosperity', smiles and everything good are real as they can be, they are also human...they can't run from making mistakes. Maybe we just can't see all the unhappiness, sadness, frowns and 'poverty' because we are 'forced' to see all the things we don't have (the positives). As if we're the only one suffering and nobody else in this world will ever go through it. You want what they have. As if it's a race to please yourself. But know dear self, the only one we should be racing for is Him.

Everything happens for a reason. I believe that. Like that incident where my lotion spilled all over my bag, well...I found out later on while washing the bag that it has a hole. Maybe it happened because I need to sew the hole and that would probably save a lot of my time blabbering about how stuff in my bag go missing. Hurm~ Maybe... And I sincerely believe that what happened in the past is for the better of our future.

Differences..

Assalamualaikum~

Haaa, just now I was watching this malay drama and it got me thinking. Is this how men would react? Is this how women would react? It's not about the actors or the actresses. But the scriptwriters and novelists. Ok, I was thinking...is the script made by a few scriptwriters or just one? A man or a woman?

My dad once told me, men usually are the bosses in companies because they don't mix personal affairs with business. They leave their problems at home. So, I watched this drama and this main actor was in a bad mood because he saw his wife hugging another man at a hospital the day before. He slammed his office door and was mad at his colleague and yelled like crazy. Then, I was reminded by my father's words. Does every man act the way my father said? Totally separating work from their feelings? Or maybe some of them just don't fit the criteria?

Generally, women can't separate work from their feelings. It's a well-known fact. Sooooo, this actor's actions in the drama made me think about the script. Who wrote it? A man? A woman?

Actually, I'm exhausted! I don't want to know anymore. I don't care who the scriptwriters are. It's so hard writing in English nowadays. Hah! My brain is exhausted. Words just don't flow as easily as the did a few years back. Oh, the yesteryears. I'm so frustrated right now. Arghhh!

Bukan anda seorang..

Assalamualaikum~

Hmmm, I want to write in English today. I just feel like it. The mood is there, so why not..right? Ok, I don't really know what to say but I just feel like writing something.

These past couple of weeks have been very difficult. Day after day after day. Like I said in the previous entry, "Dugaan skrg ni makin kerap dan makin berat. Memerlukan kesabaran dan keteguhan iman". Everything becomes complicated and delicate. I have to handle it with extra care.

Plus the unwanted problem that most probably will be repeating itself until the end of time (ok, over! maybe just for the next few months or years). Again, depends on how I handle it. Honestly, I feel miserable! Vulnerable! Depressed! Pathetic! But alhamdulillah not to the point of hurting myself. I still care for my health. I eat (a lot!), I sleep (like a baby!). But sadly every waking hour is a struggle, torture. Huaa~

Silelah menangis pada Yang Melihat, mengadu pada Yang Mendengar duhai Asyiqin. ^-^

At the same time, I feel like the weight on my shoulder is gone after I chose to follow my decision. It's like I don't feel burdened by it. I feel very pleased. Because it's the right thing, kan? (I shouldn't be asking this question, it's clearly the right thing to do) I just hope it lasts and that it won't change anything. Moga2 dipermudahkan oleh Allah. Amiiin~

Ok2, I know...ape la Asyiqin ni merepek. Blabbering people to sleep. Ngehehe...

Oh Asyiqin, stop owing people already! =.="

Kawan2, sy bayar lepas elaun masuk ye!

Sorry~!!!

(seriously perasaan berhutang ni is like being backed into a corner.

The more you owe, the tighter you'll get crushed)

Ok bye!

Dugaan makin berat.

Assalamualaikum.

Tu je nak ckp.

Dugaan skrg ni makin kerap dan makin berat.

Memerlukan kesabaran (I have patience ok!)

dan

keteguhan iman (xleh lemah2, kne kuat!).

Q(^____^Q) nak kne tumbuk? AHAHA...

Huah!

Ok bye. Busy3, xleh blog banyak2.

Memang Pelik...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Assalamualaikum~

Saye terpikir, cmne bleh camtu? Knpe terbalik? Bukankah patut sebaliknye yang terjadi? Hmm...And I kept on wondering and wondering but I couldn't find the answer. Maybe there isn't one.

Perasaan. Perlu dijaga? Dijaga oleh siapa? Perasaan siapa yang perlu dijaga? Diri sendiri? Mereka? Mereka yang tertentu? Orang yang kite sayang? Orang yang kite xsayang? Kawan kite? Ibu bapa? Banyak persoalan berlegar-legar dalam minda ni. Mane satu yang kite pilih? Atau kite xperlu pilih? Jaga perasaan semua? Dan korbankan perasaan kite sendiri?

Sangat complicated bile cakap pasal perasaan ni. Sometimes, people can accept something from someone but can't accept the same thing from another person. Like kejujuran. Certain people bleh terime kejujuran (truths yang usually menyakitkan) when dari mule kite kenal mmg die cmtu. Kalo kawan kite yang pada awalnya baik, ckp bertapis and tibe2 die mulut laser (jujur yang menyakitkan)...susah sikit nak terime kan? Btul x? Jadi mane dulu yang kite pilih/nak? Kejujuran atau menjaga perasaan dengan ketidakjujuran? Dilema kan? Tergantung tabah atau tidak kite terhadap kata2 mereka. And tergantung tabah atau tidak mereka terhadap kata2 kita.

Perasaan siapa yang perlu kite jage? Ni yang membingungkan. Mengikut perbincangan saye dan beberapa orang kawan saye tadi...mereka memilih untuk diam semasa marah. Which is equivalent to menjaga perasaan. Ditanye lagi, pada siapa yang mereka diam? Dorang kate, kawan2. Ok, reasonable sebab kite xnak konflik timbul antara kawan? Kan? Sebab susah. Why? Knpe susah kalo timbul konflik? Teori saye, mungkin sebab ikatan kite xseerat keluarga. Like van der Waals interaction dan covalent/ionic bonds. Bond antara kawan adalah seperti van der Waals forces (bukan semua) dan ikatan antara keluarga is like covalent/ionic bond yang sangat kuat (bukan semua). Van der Waals ni relatively weaker. And ionic bond ni sangat kuat. Nampak x kesinambungannye antara ikatan2 ni dengan kejujuran dan perasaan?

Kalo xdpt jugak, ok mari kite dalami lagi. Contoh: Kenapa secara umumnya, seorang kawan tanye..."cantik x bag/kasut/baju ni?" Majority akan memberikan jawapan yang kawan kite tu nakkan. Which is..."Cantik~ cantik sgt!". (ok, ini applicable to females only) Tapi in reality ape yang dipikirkan adalah sebaliknye (sbb masing2 ade taste sendiri). Kite bertindak menjaga perasaan die rather than berkate yang benar sebab itu yang menimbulkan satu ketegangan. Or maybe meninggalkan stain pada hati kawan kite tu yang kite susah nak hilangkan. Seperti stain minyak pada baju putih. Susah nak tanggal even dh gosok berkali2 dengan sabun. Berkurang mmg berkurang, but xhilang. Bile dgn kawan, kite perlu jage hati mereka baik2. Sebab dengan kejujuran atau tidak menjage perasaan, hubungan/ikatan tu akan goyah.

Lain kes dgn keluarga. Selalunye, org kate...nak kejujuran, tanye your family. They will provide you with every possible truth that you want. Sebab ape ini acceptable? Sebab air dicincang, xkan putus. Gaduh2 pon, akan baik balik...and the fights are left forgotten.

I think that 'truth hurts' when you get it from people other than your family. And I've wrote this before and at times, I think it's true. "We shove the people we love, we spare the people we don't really care". Ok, ayat tu harsh sedikit but utk rhyme punye pasal kan. ahaha..

Oh, bnde ni terlalu complex dan panjang kalo nak diteliti satu persatu. Sebenarnye ape yang saye katekan hanyalah 0.1% dari keseluruhan skop topik ni. Terlalu luas dan terlalu banyak teori dan banyak variants, persepsi, penerimaan. Haih banyak la! xterjangkau oleh saye.

Ini just ape yang saye pikir tadi, and it has nothing to do with the living or the dead. It has nothing to do with me, it has nothing to do with anyone. It's just a thought, my thought. Maaf kalo ade yang terasa tapi itu bukan niat saye. Oh perasaan~

Ok bye. Cha3~

Aduhai~

Assalamualaikum....

Sekarang saye perlu berfikiran kuat dan berjiwa kental.

Mengadu pada yang berhak. Menangis pada yang mendengar.

Ujian demi ujian menimpa.

Walaupun kelihatan sangat remeh temeh, trivial, unimportant, but telah mengacau jiwa.

I hope my heart will keep on beating strong.

I'm sick and tired.

I'm sick..

and I'm tired.

Bye.

Kisah mengarut di pagi hari...

Assalamualaikum...

Nak mengarut ttg ape ye hari ni? Ha! Nak bercerite suatu kisah due kawan la. Asyiqin dan Aqila. (bukan nama samaran)

Kisah bermula apabila dua kawan ni berjalan pulang dari kampus setelah mengenyangkan perut masing2 di kantin. Hari yang panas menambahkan lagi kebingungan dalam kepala dua sekawan ini. Sedang mereka berjalan di bawah susur gajah bagi meneduhkan diri daripada matahari terik dan bahang yang membakar kulit, Asyiqin tanpa sengaja meluahkan harapan instantnya, "Aku rasa macam nak berbasikal la". Terdetik pula niat tersebut apabila terlihat basikal yang berjejeran di tepi laluan susur gajah itu. Tidak sampai 2 saat, Aqila yang dalam kehairanan pun bertanya, "Merbasikal? Mer-?" (sah xkorek telinge ni!) Asyiqin dengan segera membetulkan Aqila, "BERbasikal la! Mer- tu bukan imbuhan pon." Aqila yang ternyata tersalah dengar, gelak berbahak2. Atau bak kate Piko (bukan nama sebenar) - "gelak tipu".

Setelah itu kami terdiam sejenak untuk setengah saat. Secara tiba2, Aqila menyuarakan satu soalan, "Kalau merpati? Kata dasar die pati la?" smbil menyambung gelakannya yang tersisa. Asyiqin turut sama bergelak tawa apabila memikirkan kebingungan pertanyaan Aqila. Namun begitu, Asyiqin tetap melayan kebingunan tersebut dan mengeluarkan satu pernyataan yang lebih bingung lagi. "So, mase die terbang...kite kate die sedang merpati la?" Riuhnya jalan raya yang sesak itu kedengaran seperti tikus berdecit apabila dibandingkan dengan gelak tawa Asyiqin dan Aqila. (ok, ni over!) Ternyata perbualan tersebut belum capai titik noktahnya apabila Aqila menyambung dengan satu penyataan lain, "Kalo merpati tu word english, die dh jadi merpatid (past tense)". Hingar bingar jalan raya kini dapat disamakan dengan bunyi semut yang bekerja keras membawa makanan yang 50x lebih berat daripadanya (sunyi).

Ok, cite dah jadi boring bile dinovelkan cmni. Bile berjalan dengan Aqila, begini la jadinya~ ahaha... pagi yang terisi dengan perbualan yang xmembangun! =.="

(punye susah nak buat ayat cerite)

Ok, done mengarut. Hati sudah senang. Perut pon sudah lapar.

Change for the better~ ^-^

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim~

Assalamualaikum..

Setelah beberapa hari beraye, menambah lemak, menambah darjat kemalasan diri...akhirnye sy berjaya menggagahkan diri utk menulis2 di blog ni. Weeeheee... 

SELAMAT HARI RAYA ALDILFITRI 

kepada semua. Harap anda semua enjoy your raya dengan sanak saudara, jalan pusing2 pegi negeri ni, negeri tu. Biase la kan~ 

Jaaaaammmm!!! Ni bukan sebab byk sgt kete tp sebab ade satu kete yang berenti tepi jalan sebab anak die nak ken2 and everyone else slowed down nak tgk. AHAHAH!! Lepas dr kete yang berenti tu, trus lancar~

Raya tahun ni entah kenapa terase berbezeeee sgt dengan tahun2 sebelum ni. Mungkin sebab dh due tahun xberaya di rumah. Raya tahun lepas di negara org, due tahun lepas plak beraya di negara jiran. Mungkin rutin tahunan tu terganggu, jadikan saye celaru (konon je!). Sebelum ni keluarga belah ayah akan berkumpul di rumah nenek, tp tahun ni beraya di rumah sendiri. Lepas dh bermaaf-maafan, menjamu selera...kitorg akan direct ke kedai gmbr. Tgkp gmbr buat kenang-kenangan. Tahun ni plak tgkp gmbr kat rumah je. 

Seperti kebanyakannye, kitorg jugak sblm ni buat baju raya sedondon satu family. Tahun lepas, xpakai baju raye pon. Due tahun lepas, warne merah. Tige tahun lepas, warne hijau. Empat tahun lepas, warne ungu. Sebelum tu, warne hijau. Sebelum2 tu lg, warne biru. (lupe dh sbnrnye urutannya, main hentam je ni. ahahah) Tahun ni, berwarne warni mak minah. Ade yang biru menyale, ade yang kuning diraje, ade yang hitam. Yang laki pakai baju melayu tahun lepas2. 

One more change this year, ade rendang mase menjamu selera di pagi raye~ Usually kitorg akan makan ketupat dengan kari ayam atau lontong. Since I'm not used to eating rendang, I'm not really into it. And my mom yang xpernah try buat rendang, made it and everyone seemed to like it. 

Oh! And I learned how to anyam ketupat~ So happy ade org yang nak ajar. Before that, my grandmother yang selalu buat ketupat, sy hanye menonton. Nak belajar tapi malu nak mintak diajar. And this year, sy berjaye buat 7 ketupat! ahahaha...(that's lame!) But at least I know something utk mengajar anak2 nnti. AHAHAHA!! Joking2~ ^____________^

Ketupat ketupat~

So many changes~ Ok, enough gibberish! 

Awkward...laptop...and baju raya~

Assalamualaikum...

Warning. Post ni membosankan. =P

Disebabkan sudah lameeeeeee xduduk rumah sendiri kat Malaysia ni, rase cm xbiase plak. Plus rumah tu telah direnovate kan, xbiase lg dgn pembaharuan. Suis makin banyak dan totally berubah tempat, bilik makin banyak (macam la bleh sesat), barang yang selalunye di sini skrg ntah diletak ke mane. Macam rusa masuk kampung. Kalo mak suh bukak lampu, habis sume suis tekan sebab xtau yang mane satu. =.=" Mak mintak cawan lbih...sume cabinet dibukak sebab xtau mak letak kat mane. Mmg awkward, rs cm outsider. huhuhu....

Satu lagi bnde baru...lepak2 kat luar rumah. Memandangkan sekarang dh ade meja kat luar rumah, so...dh bleh la duduk2 kat luar rumah. Menikmati angin malam, mengamati lampu2 dr rumah jiran yang menerangi jalan. Eceeeyyy...TAPI!!! Yang xbestnye, byk nyamuk! Duduk 5 minit, kne gigit kat 9 tempat yang berlainan. Nyamuk2 kat situ sgt rakus. Menghisap darah bagaikan vampire yang berpuase. =.="

Next! Ntah knpe laptop sendiri buat hal. 3 hari xbukak laptop sbb xleh connect dgn wifi. Rase cm hilang arah kejap, tapi nasib baik la ade pengisian yang berfaedah. ^-^ Tapi, hari ini. Saye bernekad, nak selesaikan masalah ni! So, I asked for my brother's help, and after 2 minutes...masalah selesai! Now I don't have to curi2 gune laptop adik mase die tido. Ahahaha... (dh puas kne tumbuk oleh adik sebab kantoi gune lptop die. TT-TT)

Next! Baju rayeee~ Bbrp bulan sblm ni mak ade bagi baju kurung and kate tu baju raye sy. So, Asyiqin pon dh mindset la tu baju rayenye. Sy dh sgt berpuas hati sbnrnye dgn baju sepasang tu. Sangaaaaaattt berpuas hati, serius xtipu! Tapi mase balik ni, tibe2 parents tny..."nak bli baju raye cmne? Kite sume xde baju raye lg ni". Dalam fikiran Asyiqin, ligat berputar2 sebab dulu dh bagi sepasang tapi knpe kate sorg pon xde baju raye lg? Hurmmm...pelik2~ Saye pon suarekan la, "Orang dh ade dh baju raye, yang mama bagi baju kampung aritu" but my mom 'ignored' what I said. So, kitorg pon pergi la shopping baju raye~

Itu je kot bnde yang 'menarik' terjadi sepanjang balik cuti ni. Mase lain, same old, same old. Nothing interesting. Ok, itu sahaje. Rase gedik nak menaip. Till next time.

Assalamualaikum~

Dalam Usaha...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim~

Assalamualaikum kawan2...

Eh bile eh kali terakhir saye menulis merepek di sini? Rase macam dh lame je...rindu plak nak menaip. Tapi I've been having this major extreme super duper writer's block sampai I don't know what to write. Idea utk menulis tu xdtg2. Ini pon xberidea jugak sebenarnye, cume nak mengisi la sedikit dari mase lapang yang ade. (xlapang pon, banyak kerja rumah kne buat ni~)

First of all, I'm back ladies! (and guys? hurmm) I'm here in my beloved country, Malaysia truly Asia~ It's been a while since I landed my foot here, about 5 days ago. It feels more than that actually because time moves so slowww. I want it to fly faster but at the same time I want it to stop altogether. Why faster, you ask? Because nak balik kampung, nak kuar dr terperuk dalam rumah ni... And why stop the time? Because I don't want to go back to Jakarta. Wuwuwu... But I can't avoid the inevitable, right? I bought the tickets already. TT-TT

On a serious note...

Hmmm, when I think back of the time when I was younger (eceeyyy, cm dh tue sgt je..baru 21!), I feel blessed because I've seen changes...I felt them (the changes). And I'm so grateful that I was shown, if not all but a glimpse of the light. Even a shimmer of the 'light' is enough to bring me to my senses. I feel blessed that I think about it. Unlike the younger me, who runs around aimlessly, without a purpose (metaphorically). It's a constant struggle. It's a constant battle. I'm still not there yet by the way. I'm faaaaaaaar from it but I want to try to reach there in time. I want to make the difference, but I have to train the heart first. Train...train...train....chu3~ Oh, train...don't leave me behind! (Apela yang Asyiqin ni ckp agaknye? ahahaha....)

Xcukup besar sebenarnye usaha tu. Otak, work with me! Kne brainwash Asyiqin ni! Ok, dh la...dr tadi mengarut je. Baik la buat bende berfaedah sikit. =.="

Mari kite kejar!! Lari-lari sampai xleh berdiri. Ok, not to that extend la. huhuhu..

Tatatititutu...

Pinky and the Brain...

Assalamualaikum...

Sebelum itu, saye mahu mengucapkan Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan Al-Mubarak kepada seluruh umat Islam dan selamat berpuasa! Semoga amalan kita sepanjang bulan mulia ni diberkati oleh-Nya dan moga-moga kita dapat mengharunginya dengan mudah~ Dan saya mahu meminta kemaafan dari semua, rakan2 taulan yang saya kenal maupun yang tidak/blum kenal, for my past and future mistakes.

Ok, ntah knpe tibe saye terpikirkan Pinky and the Brain ni. Alaaa, cite kartun mase kecik2 doluuu. Bagi yang xpenah tgk, sy explain secare ringkas lg padat je la ye. Cite ni mengisahkan due ekor lab mice yang nak take over the world, every single night. Sebab at the end of every night, their plan xpenah menjadi.

Pinky and The Brain~

The best part of this cartoon is the opening theme! They're Pinky and the Brain. Lagu tu melekat dalam minda kanak2 yang tonton cite ni, sy pasti! Jom kite dengau balik lagu tu, hikhik! Mengimbau kenangan lama~

Let's sing along to the Pinky and the Brain~!

Pinky: Gee Brain, what are we gonna do tonight?

Brain: Same thing we do every night Pinky. Try to take over the world.

They're Pinky and the Brain

Yes Pinky and the Brain

One is a genius, the other's insane

They're laboratory mice

Their genes has been spliced

They're Pinky....

They're Pinky and the Brain...Brain 8x

Before each night is done

Their plan will be unfurled

by the dawning of the sun

They'll take over the world

They're Pinky and the Brain

Yes Pinky and the Brain

Their twilight campaign

is easy to explain

To prove their mousey worth

They overthrow the earth

They're Pinky,

they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain (7x)

NARF!

The Right Things To Say...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Assalamualaikum~

The right things to say. Itu topik yang saye nak bahaskan hari ni. Xde la bahas sgt pon, tapi lebih sekadar memberi buah fikiran oleh diri yang alpa dan xsempurna ni. Ini lebih ditujukan pada diri saya sendiri sebenarnya, tapi kalau ada yang terasa...terlebih dahulu saya meminta maaf kerana bukanlah niat saya untuk berbuat demikian. Itu hanya kebetulan.

Baiklah, saya mulekan. Hmmm, pernah x anda tersalah dalam berkata-kata hingga menyebabkan seseorang itu terluka dan terhiris perasaannya dengan kata-kata kita itu? Apa-apa pun jawapan anda, bagi diri saya, jawapannya.....YA! beribu-ribu kali. Malah berjuta-juta lemon. *ok, itu melampau. xsmpi berjuta kot, kalo cmtu...saya jadi manusia paling dibnci oleh makhluk bumi la kot, termasuk binatang dan tumbuh2an kalo dorg paham*

Macam mana boleh tersalah kata? Pengaruh emosi? Pengaruh ego? Pengaruh lingkungan? Pengaruh hormon? Pengaruh mental? Yang pasti, semua yang disenaraikan tu pernah menjadi sebab saya tersalah kata (mental jugak? ye kot). Terhiris perasaan, terbuat orang marah, terbuat orang sakit jiwa melayan karenah, terbuat orang benci malah. Ya, itu tidak dinafikan. Semulia Rasulullah juga ada yang membenci, apatah saya yang hina dan tidak terlepas dari dosa ni.

Tapi sebenarnya apa yang salah dan apa yang betul? Bagaimana ia menjadi salah dan bagaimana ia menjadi betul? Kadang2, apa yang kita rase betul, mungkin yang mendengar itu rasa salah dan menyakitkan hati. Dan kadang2 apa yang dikatakan oleh orang lain itu betul, kita rasa salah. Salah dan betul ini bukan pada fakta kata-kata tersebut, tapi ukuran penerimaan ayat-ayat yang dikeluarkan oleh mulut kita pada pandangan/pendengaran orang lain. Bagaimana penerimaan seseorang terhadap ayat yang kita susun, ayat yang kita compose. Adakah kena dengan taste die? Xkene dengan taste die? Pada orang yang menuturkan, selalunya memikirkan dia yang betul dan mendemand orang menerima apa yang dikatakan baik waktu terpengaruh dengan faktor2 yang disebut di atas atau sewaktu tidak terpengaruh dan hanya berlandaskan atas akal fikiran dan penilaian rasionalnya.

Pengaruh? Emosi. Emosi boleh pengaruh apa yang kita katakan. Sekali gus menyebabkan orang terasa dengan apa yang kita katakan walaupun sebenarnya yang kita mahu sampaikan bukanlah something yang pedas atau tajam. Malahan, kadang2 tu apa yang dickp bukanlah ditujukan pada yang mendengar, tapi si pendengar berada di tempat yang salah, waktu yang salah. "You're at the wrong place, at the wrong time", kate org2 putih sono. Orang tengah2 marah ni selalunya suara makin tinggi. Amplified. Yela, kalo monotonous je sape pon xtau die ni sebenarnya marah atau biasa2 je? Kan? Kalo sedih pulak, mula la kutuk diri sendiri kata itu ini sampai yang mendengar pon dh panas telinga rasa nak tumbuk org ni sbb xlarat nak console, plus org bagi kata-kata semangat pon cm masuk telinga kanan, kuar telinga kiri. Penat berckp je kalo sume yang dikatekan xnak diregister dalam otak. Dah berbuih mulut pun still xnak dengar kate, si pendengar (yang juga alternately menjadi yang berkata-kata) ni pulak yang frust. See, dh frust. Padahal kita mengutuk diri sendiri, secara logiknya kenapa perlu yang mendengar yang frust? Betul x? Lain la kalo kita mengutuk dia depan2 dia ckp berbuih2 mulut kata benda2 buruk kat dia. Logik kan? Itu la uniknya manusia ni. Xsemuanya berjalan ikut teori. Ikut logik.

Ego pulak. Macam mana pulak ego boleh pengaruh kata-kata kita, flow of information and emotions right out of our mouths? Apa kaitannya? Saya pon xreti cmne nk ckp sbb saye xsure saye ni egonya macam mana. Xtau la dari pandangan orang saya ni berego tinggi atau biasa2 saja. Hmmm, mungkin orang yang lebih tinggi darjatnya dalam masyarakat, dia rasa lebih superior, maka kata2nya itu terpengaruh dengan ke-superiority-an dia. Sok bagus. Sok pandai, sok macam2. Ntah la, malas nk ckp psl ni. Moving on.

Lingkungan. Haaa, jangan kata lingkungan anda xmemberi kesan pada cara anda berckp. Saya kasi contoh la. Di negara yang tropikal, panas kan? Langit xberawan, tiada tanda-tanda nak hujan. Burung pon xnmpk sbb sume malas nk terbang, takut berpeluh ketiak *ape yang saya mengarut ni?*. Siapa setuju, kalau cuaca panas, rasa macam nak maraaaaaahhh je. Ye la. Xselesa. Berpeluh2. Panas. Letih. Dehydrated. Semuanya negative. Terus pemprosesan menuturan tu terganggu, menyebabkan die jadi emo, makin lupe antara baik dan buruk. Penimbangan salah dan betul tu dah lilau2. Orang emo2 ni selalu berjujur je. Sebab malas nk fikir, malas nk jaga hati, malas nk segala macam yang lain. Itu yang kita sering kali terlepas kata. Tersalah sebut, tiada tapisan. Hasilnya, hati terluka. Hati berdarah pada yang mendengar.

Hormon. Hmmm, ni same je kot dgn yang lain2. Berbalik kepada emosi dan akhirnya we say the wrong things.

Mental? Haaaa, yang ni mmg xyah bahas la. Kalau dah otaknya bermasalah, semua pon terganggu. Bukan kata-kata sahaja, malah membuang air pon boleh salah.

Saya bukanlah mencari alasan untuk membetulkan apa yang telah saya lakukan (membuat org terasa baik dengan kata2 saya atau perbuatan saya). Tapi saya hanya mahu menyatakan bahawa saya ni bukanlah manusia sempurna. Kita semua bukan manusia sempurna. Saya buat salah, anda buat salah, malah benda yang tidak bernyawa pon buat salah, contohnya kipas xberfungsi. Kalau dh plugged in, switched on, patut berputar la kipasnye, ye tidak? Kalo xbergerak tu, makanya ada yang salah la.

Saya pon selalu je terasa dengan kata-kata orang. Tapi saya cuba untuk tidak menzahirkannya sebab saya tahu, kalo saya buat begitu, saya hanya membuat org tersebut marah. Kalau dua2 pon marah, apa kebaikannya? Makin menghitamkan hati masing2 lagi ade la. Kalo dengan berpura2 dapat menyambungkan benang yang terputus, then let it be. Saya sanggup begitu dari tidak berckp, tidak bertentang mata, takut2 nak tanya kabar, takut2 nk mintak tolong. Saya sanggup pendamkan segala ketidakpuasan hati saya dalam hati saya sendiri, tanpa orang tau akan hakikat sebenarnya. Tapi kalau yang di belah sana tidak dapat menerima, then apa boleh buat?

Abu Hurairah meriwayatkan daripada Nabi s.a.w., Rasulullah bersabda:

Musa bin Imran bertanya: "Hai Tuhanku, siapakah hambaMu yang paling mulia di sisiMu? FirmanNya: "Siapa yang mengutamakan kemaafan sedangkan dia mampu untuk membalas kejahatan orang lain."

"Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang beriman itu bersaudara. Sebab itu damaikanlah (perbaikilah hubungan) antara kedua saudaramu itu dan takutlah terhadap Allah, supaya kamu mendapat rahmat." [Al-Hujurat:10]

Hanya doa yang dapat saya panjatkan kepada-Nya, minta dijauhkan dari sifat-sifat mazmumah seperi dendam dan amarah, dan pinta ditanamkan dalam diri sifat-sifat mahmudah.

Penawar sakit hati.

A lot to learn, a lot to experience, a lot to fix. When to fix? I don't know.

Pada mereka yang saya sakiti,

Diminta agar diri ini dimaafi,

Forgiving is easy, forgetting is not,

But we don't want our hearts to rot.

Right?

Sekian sahaja dari saye,

Harap sume pon suke.

Assalamualaikum~

Masihkah Kau Ingat?

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Assalamualaikum~

Baru terbace satu post tentang seseorang ni di zaman sekolah die waktu form 3. Bile bace post tu, teringat waktu saye di zaman sekolah. Betape banyaknye beze saye dulu dan saye sekarang. Hehehe

I don't know if I've told about this before tapi saye suke zaman sekolah saye. Saye still nak cerite walaupun dh pernah cerite. Plus, saye bukan bercerita dalam ni untuk santapan kalian (but xhalang pon kalo nak bace since ini pon blog public kan), tapi untuk santapan diri di masa kelak. Bile dah tua2 bongkok tige nnti, kalo still celik IT lagi saye ni, saye nk bace balik sume yang saye tulis dalam blog ni. Takut lupe plak, boleh la mengingat kembali, ye dak? Itu pon kalo still boleh ingat URL blog ni la. Huhuhu...mintak dijauhkan la dari segala penyakit~

Hurm, ape la yang best sgt mase sekolah ni? Banyak! Tapi saye secare jujurnye suke waktu upper form iaitu form 4 and 5. Form 1 sampai form 3 pon best jugak. Masing-masing ade pros and consnye. Nak cite waktu form 5 la. Walaupun tahun tu tahun yang masing-masing pon sangat stress sebab nak SPM. Ade yang start dr awal masuk form 5 dah mule study bagai nak rak. Every night stay up. Memandangkan kene lights-off pukul 11pm, so boleh la nmpk kepale terkuar dari pintu masing2 nak dapatkan cahaye dari koridor sbb nak study. Alahai...rindunye~ Tahun tu jugak kitorg tinggal di blok tingkat bawah di mana warden yg sama2 tinggal di blok itu merupakan seorang ustazah yang garang xterkate. Kalo sehari xdgr suare die menjerit mmg xsah. Ustazah yang slalu buat spot check. Ustazah yang slalu check bilik setiap hari sebelum roll-call. Buat lawatan mengejut ke bilik2 nak tgk sama kitorg kekalkan kebersihan bilik. Huhuhu...rindu ustazah tu, maaf lupe plak name die. Sorry ustazah! And sekolah kitorg ni xdibenarkan bawak handphone, tapi tersangatlah ramai yang bawak sebenarnye. Boleh kire sape je yg xbawak. So, since ustazah ni slalu buat spot check, ramai la yang terkantoi bawak handphone and kalo nak tebus, kne bayau RM100. Pernah sekali tu die dapat kumpul sangaaaaaaaaaaaaaattt banyak handphone sebab die bongkar semua bilik time org tgh prep. Tapi alhamdulillah handphone saye terselamat walaupun sy hanye letak bawah bantal. Alahai, punye bernasib baik. Nonono, saye tetap salah sebab langgar peraturan sekolah. Huhuhu... Tiap2 malam bace surah Al-Mulk and kadang2 Yassin. Pastu same2 bace doa rabitah hati. Setiap minggu ikut turn bilik, setiap malam seorang kne bagi tazkirah. Mula la masing2 pening nak bagi tazkirah ape. Huuuu...rinduuu~

Haaa, ape yang saye suke sangat time form 5 ni? Saye suke mase prep!!! Saye sangat3 suke mase prep. Pelik kan? Slalu mase prep la org liat nak bangun ke kelas. Tapi, saye sangat semangat bile tibe mase prep. Saye suke pakai baju kurung. Jalan dari blok lalu kantin, lalu cafeteria, lalu susur gajah yang panjang, atau nak short cut lalu kawasan lapang yang semakin hilang rumputnye sebab orang slalu lalu situ smpi botak rumput, then lalu kelas2 lain dulu...straightttt lagi sampai hujung, belok kanan, straight lagi...sampai la ke kelas 510. Yang disebelahnya terdapat satu kawasan lapang yang kitorg slalu tgk time2 hujan sbb hujan banyak turun dari atap masuk ke kawasan tu, and kawasan tu sebelah kelas kitorg. Best! Mungkin org lain xtgk hujan turun tapi at least saye la yang tgk. Mase prep ni, amat lengang kelas2 form 5. Sebab sume pon fly. Tido kat bilik. Termasuk la rumatesku yang sempoi2. Rumate saye yang skema pon ponteng prep selalu (terpengaruh ngan yg sempoi2 tu la, adeeh). Time tu saye bersiap, bawak bag sume pegi ke kelas. And dalam perjalanan ke kelas tu jugak saya dapat nmpk sangat ramai org berdating. (tapi lagi ramai after prep hari sabtu) =.=" Malangnya I did nothing about it. Huuuu...saye hanya memberikan jelingan sinis sahaje. Xmampu nak tegur. Takut nau. Alhamdulillah kelas saye xde yang berdating. And boleh la saye tido dalam kelas sebab bosan sgt study sorg2 dalam kelas. uhuhu...

Prep malam la yang hectic skali. Bila kelas dipenuhi oleh classmates saye yang gile2, bermacam ragam la. Ade yang diam tapi lawak, ade yang cm boss, ade yang cm spastik, ade yang cm senyap je, ade yang bising (yg tolerable la)...macam2 la. Sangat best! Saye ade rumates yang sangat best! Saye sangat sayang memori2 ni. Priceless! Haih, rindunyeeee...

Aktiviti kitorg untuk raise money, kitorg every week kuar outing beli hotdogs. Jual. Ramai plak tu yang membeli. Aduhai~ Kitorg masak pakai rice cooker plak tu! Huhuhu...sangat innovatif la kawan2 ku~ Comel2 je masak hotdog pakai rice cooker. Ahaha...Jual2 ni dah jadi rutin mingguan kitorg. Waktu pasar malam pon jual2 jugak. Huuuuu, rinduu!

Bile dah nak abes sekolah, kitorg buat barbeque. Bakar ayam. Bergoyong royong yang perempuan siang ayam (btul ke word ni), buang lemak segale bagai, marinate, malamnye the guys bakar ayam. (banyak lg makanan tapi sy ingat ayam je sbb sy yg tolong cuci , marinate sume, yang lain org lain buat =P) Hasilnye....huaaaaa sedaaappp! Nikmatnye makanan yang kitorg buat sendiri. Huhuhu...rinduuu~

Inilah die,

org xde keje,

bercerite xingat dunie,

Memang nak kne!

Sekian dari saye yang xseberape,

sume mengarut belake,

dah lame xduduk melake,

jadi rindu xsemene.

Ok, sudah la tu,

mesti bosan dah kan you,

I pergi dulu~

Assalamualaikum~