Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Think. Ponder.


I watched and listened to a video about fashion just now and alhamdulillah sangat banyak masukan yang saye dapat. Not just about physical hijab, but also about hijab hati. Menghijabkan fizikal is so much easier (not easy at all) than hijab terhadap hati. Hijab terhadap dengki, jealous, amarah, tidak puas hati dan segala macam perasaan and fikiran negatif yang ade dalam hati/minda kite. Satu statement yang sy rase mmg sangat2 benar is "our eyes are the source of all evil". Pemikiran jahat itu selalu timbul sebab ape yang kite nampak. Mmg undeniably manusia lebih biasa mencari kesalahan pada seseorang berbanding kebaikan. And ape yang membuka peluang untuk kite mencari kesalahan2 tu? Mata! Mata meliar, mencari ape yang salah, ape yang xbetul. Instead of admiring ape yang baik. Instead of mengambil yang jernih, kite menghina2kan yang keruh. Lebih buruk lagi, bile deria yang lain ikut same. Yang telinge dengar yang jahat saje, yang mulut ckp yang jahaaaat je. Malah disebarkan ke orang lain.

Allah perintahkan kite untuk tundukkan pandangan kite. Seperti dalam surah An-Nur ayat 30 dan 31. Ditujukan kepada lelaki dan perempuan, salah satu perintah Allah dalam ayat-ayat tersebut ialah untuk tundukkan pandangan. Banyak kebaikan yang bulih kite dapat, banyak juga kejahatan yang bulih kite elak dari menundukkan pandangan ni. Jage hati, jage mata, jage minda. Jage hati dari kehitaman sifat dengki, jealous, amarah, etc. Jage mata dari timbul perasaan2 yang xdiingini dan xseptutnye. Jaga minda dari pemikiran negatif.

Hijab hati tu mmg no doubt a very hard thing to do. Adalah lebih baik kalo hijab pada fizikal yakni berjilbab kalo diiringi dengan menghijabkan hati dr kejahatan2. It's a continuous struggle. Yes, it's a STRUGGLE. I know it's hard because I'm still fighting against it. It's even harder when you're too used to doing it. Some people know exactly the things they shouldn't be doing, but they do it anyway because they are too used to it and that the society accepts it. Some people are oblivious. Some people are not strong enough to act upon their beliefs that they need a push from the outside. An external drive. A support system.

So, we have to help each other, support one another in order to change for the better. Become each other's support system.

Ok, sorry but I'm not good at talking about this. I had so much to say but it's so hard to write it. So, I'm gonna stop writing and let the video do the talking.

p/s: this is more of a self-reminder. 

Saturday, 21 April 2012

Golden Time!


I'm here in my classroom. Waiting for the lecturer to arrive. The class should have started an hour and five minutes ago. Time. is gold. I was thinking to myself, what if we can take time with our hands and accumulate all the time we have to use it on another day, that would be wonderful. Like people who work, they have annual leave. More or less a fortnight per annum. (correct me if I'm wrong, I xkeje lg...so xtau pape). They can use the annual leave anytime they want but only within the year. So, people who haven't used their annual leave, they can use it all on one go and have a long leave before the year ends. Like a 2-week leave! Huaaa...syok! (Asyiqin main hentam je ni, ntah btul ntah tidak agaknye)

So, like what I was thinking just now. What if...for example, we have nothing to do for the rest of the day, too bored to do anything but it's still 12 o'clock. The sun is still high above our heads. You only think of sleeping but you can't...unless the sky is dark. So, 7 hours of not knowing what to do. Excluding the things a muslim has to do in those hours. 7 hours of wasting time. If you can take that time and put it in a jar. Like collecting coins. But instead of coins, we collect time. Only to use it upon emergencies. Like during exam week. 24 hours seems like 24 minutes. Never seem to have enough time to study. What if we can topup the hours in a day using the time we've collected? I wonder how that goes.

But, this is totally absurd. That is totally impossible. Time and tide waits for no man. No one is powerful enough to stop time. Nobody in this world is capable of doing such a thing. Nobody!

Time flies. And those who won't fly away together with time, stay in the past and are at lost.

"We still have time". The same thing we tell ourselves over and over again. But is it true?

Wednesday, 18 April 2012



Peluang. Chance. Apakah yang penting sangat dengan peluang ni? Ape yang best sangat dgn peluang ni? Ape manfaat peluang ni? Penting, best, byk manfaatnye! Tidak terexplain la kalo nak explain. Bayangkan sahaje lah, Allah memberi peluang kepada hamba-Nya every second of every day kite hidup, bernafas. Allah beri kite mase, peluang setiap hari untuk bertaubat. Even kite buat kesalahan yang sama, pintu taubat sentiase terbuka luas untuk kita.

Jadi manusia. Hamba kepada Allah. Layakkah kita menarik peluang manusia yang lain? Apa jenis peluang pon. Layakkan kita untuk tidak memberi peluang pada makhluk-Nya yang lain? Ape kelayakan kita untuk menarik peluang manusia lain sedangkan peluang tersebut bukan milik kita untuk ditarik? Berilah peluang kepada orang lain. Berilah kesempatan untuk mereka melakukan kesalahan dan menyedarinya. Kite semua melakukan kesilapan. Kite sume manusia biasa. Kite sendiri buat kesilapan, secara sedar atau tidak sedar. Mungkin tanpa sedar kite dh lakukan kesilapan, kawan kite beri peluang but kite xnmpk. But when kawan kite buat bnde yang same, dihukum pula. Xde keseimbangan kan kalo cmtu?

Yang berpeluang itu kne la menggunakan peluang tersebut sebaiknya. Jangan disia-siakan peluang yang ada. Peluang yang diberi bukan tiket utk membuat lagi kesilapan yang jelas itu suatu kesilapan. Tapi peluang utk menyedari kesilapan. Peluang untuk membaiki diri, peluang untuk menjadi lebih baik.

Ok, Asyiqin dh mule merapik. Percubaan membuka mata untuk study tidak berjaye, maka menulis blog. Di kala minda masih mamai, bantal memanggil2, katil kelihatan lebih empuk dan besar dan selesa. Ah, temptations! Sungguh banyak apabila mendekati ujian. ='(

*xnak mimpi ngeri lagii~!*

Saturday, 14 April 2012

Guilty as charged.


I now realize that I need to rinse, wash, spin and dry my heart. And in the process, I have to use a very strong detergent and a concentrated bleach. To wash off all the stains. To drain out all the dirtiness. To whiten the unclean. To freshen the stink. To sweeten the unpleasant.

As white as snow.

The question is, is it even possible? If I could rip my heart out and wash it thoroughly using a washing machine and put it back in place..a clean and white heart, I would. But that is beyond possible.

So, I have to find another way. What is the other way? I want to know. I see glimpses of it every now and then, but why does it seem so far away? The moment I see the way, it disappears. Even if it stayed, I still couldn't reach it. There are always obstacles, things hindering me from making it till the end. I tried being strong, tried not to fall into 'traps' along the way, walk cautiously with every step I take...but in the end of the day, the efforts and struggles seem so useless. It's like I can't move on. Dwelling on the past. It's funny that I can dwell on the past when in fact I have very short memory span. It's too funny. I just don't understand my brain. I really don't. The things I want to forget love to linger in my head and the things I desperately want to remember just love to leave my brain.

Maybe I should rinse, wash, spin and dry my brain as well. It seems to be the source of all the problems. Either because I forget things, or because I remember things. Forgetting and remembering is the brain's job right? Hurm~ Making mistakes without realizing it. Hurting people without knowing it. Saying the wrong things without intending to. Yes, we can control what we say, do, think but I believe that'll take a lot of energy from your body. And you wont last half a day. At least I won't. But I have to try, right? For the sake of peace. My peace and other people's peace. And the world's!

I'm a victim of my own mind. And other people are the victims of my wrongdoings. I need somebody to shut off my brain and turn on my heart. Please and thank you~

Monday, 9 April 2012

My twin sister...


Not too long ago, someone once told me that he recognized me from afar just by looking at the way I walk. Since then, I kept on thinking...do I really have my own style of walking? Talking? Laughing? Looking? etc. I really want to know how I've been presenting myself in front of people. I want to look at myself. I need somebody who is exactly like me to see all those with my own two myopic eyes. Like inspecting without 'me' noticing. I can't look at mirrors because I won't act naturally that way.

I've pictured myself with a twin sister before. The exact copy of myself. Almost like a clone. Who eats, sleeps, laughs, talks, walks and does everything else like I do. But we all know twins aren't exactly similar in every way. Yes, they may look alike, or have the same height, or have the same shoe size, or the same length of hair, or maybe have the same way of thinking...but I'm sure they don't talk or laugh or look at people the same way. People who are close to twins (identical) can differentiate between the two just by looking at minor details. Their different hair style maybe, scar, moles, smile, emotions, etc. (I don't know what these last two sentences are for, bear with me.)

A twin sister. Hurm, I wonder~ I'm very sure this is the influence of that Thai horror movie 'Alone'. But I don't want to be the one who died, strangled by her Siamese twin sister. Nor the one who strangled the twin sister. Hurm~ Ok, so weird.  And I'm pretty sure Tia and Tamera has something to do with this. Aiyoo~

I just want to look at myself the way other people look at me (if they ever). See what I do wrong, what I should change, what I should do, what I shouldn't do. But I know that's impossible (to have a twin sister). It's hard to realize you're doing something wrong/right when you're the one doing it.

So, there. That's what I've been thinking about for the past few days. Aside from the other important things I should be thinking. Haaaahh...*pusing, pening, dizzy, vertigo*

I know I should care more about how I present myself to Him. Think more about that Asyiqin! Tsk3~

*Lega sudah. Rase macam terangkat la sikit beban di bahu. hoho...

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

Ada hikmah.


Yes, saya amat yakin ada hikmahnya. Mungkin kita xnampak, but pastinya ada! Mungkin belum ada, but pastinya akan ada! I'm very sure of it. Knpe sesuatu itu ditarik dari kita? Pastinya Dia ada sesuatu yang lebih baik utk diberikan kepada kita. Mungkin bukan the better version of ape yang ditarik, but surely something better. Mungkin diturunkan dalam bentuk lain. Bentuk material? Spiritual? Financial? Achievements? We never know. Itu hanya Dia yang tahu.

Ade hikmah, ade hikmah, ade hikmah, ade hikmah, ade hikmah, ade hikmah, ade hikmah. Pasti! Dialah sebaik2 perancang. Percayakan Dia.

So, bersabarlah wahai hati. Tempuhi dugaan dengan sabar. Dugaan ini xseberat mereka di sana. Bersyukurlah. Semoga kesabaran dalam menempuhi perjalanan ini dapat membentuk diri menjadi lebih baik. Amiiin...